Author: Broken Walls Crushed Sidewalks

I am a licensed clinical social worker, professor at a small upstate university, wife, mother, grandmother and sister. I believe that many of us frequently find ourselves pulled in many directions. The goal for this site is to encourage one another, empower individuals to increase self-awareness, explore identity, emotion and insight, and identify and navigate opportunities, resources and barriers along the way. Feel free to share your thoughts and insights.
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How Abuse Begins, Why It Continues, and What Responsibility Requires

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Christian Living, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Family, Relationships, Repairer of Broken WallsLeave a comment

We often see articles and resources focused on the person being abused—and rightly so. Far fewer pieces address the person who causes harm. Why is that? Perhaps because we assume those who abuse either don’t see the problem or don’t want to change.

Yet the reality is often more complicated. Many people who engage in abusive behavior do recognize something is wrong. They may want change, know change is necessary, and still feel trapped in cycles of abuse, shame, and avoidance. While this does not excuse harm or reduce accountability, understanding these internal dynamics matters if real change is ever to occur.

Abuse is not limited to one type of person, background, or circumstance. People who engage in abusive behavior come from every culture, socioeconomic class, faith tradition, and profession. Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, or financial—and regardless of form, it causes real and lasting harm.

If you are honest enough to wonder whether your behavior has crossed into abuse, it likely has. Awareness is important—but it is only the first step. Responsibility is what leads to real change.

How Abuse Usually Starts

Most abusive relationships do not begin with cruelty. They begin with charm, intensity, and connection. Early on, you likely showed your best self—kindness, attentiveness, passion, and generosity. This is true in most relationships.

But abuse often begins quietly and gradually, building through patterns of control and emotional dysregulation.

Control does not appear all at once. It grows through:

  • Subtle criticism disguised as “concern”
  • Jealousy framed as love
  • Withdrawal of affection as punishment
  • Testing boundaries to see what you can get away with
  • Slowly isolating your partner from their support systems
  • Shifting responsibility for your emotions onto them

Over time, these behaviors disconnect your partner from their sense of self. The goal—conscious or not—becomes dominance rather than mutuality. When someone begins to exist primarily to manage your moods, needs, or insecurities, the relationship is no longer safe.

The Cycle You May Be Repeating

Abuse often follows a predictable cycle. If you are willing to look honestly, you may recognize yourself in it.

1. Tension Building
You feel threatened, insecure, ignored, or entitled to more. You may perceive disrespect where none was intended. Communication breaks down. Your partner becomes cautious, accommodating, and hyperaware of your moods. You feel justified in your resentment.

2. Acting Out
This is where harm occurs. You lash out—emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually, financially, or spiritually. You may justify it as provoked, minimized, or deserved. Regardless of intent, damage is done.

3. Reconciliation (Honeymoon)
You apologize, promise change, or shift blame. You may deny what happened, minimize it, or insist it “wasn’t that bad.” You might cry, beg, or portray yourself as the real victim. This stage often keeps your partner emotionally bonded and confused.

4. Calm
Things appear better. The abuse pauses. You may act loving, generous, or attentive. Your partner hopes this version of you is the “real” you. But without accountability and sustained change, the cycle restarts.

This cycle is not accidental, even when it operates outside of conscious awareness. Many people who engage in abusive behavior are not deliberately thinking, “I am repeating a cycle of abuse” but they are repeating learned and reinforced patterns. When abusive behavior temporarily relieves internal discomfort or restores a sense of control, the brain registers it as effective—making the cycle more likely to repeat. Unawareness explains repetition; it does not excuse it. It is maintained by avoidance of responsibility.

Why Your Partner May Have Stayed — and Why That Is Not an Excuse

You may tell yourself:

  • “If it were really that bad, they would have left.”
  • “They stayed, so it can’t be abuse.”
  • “They knew how I was.”
  • “I’m a good provider. I take care of my family.”
  • “I’m a good person.”

Seeing yourself as a “good person” does not prevent you from causing harm. Change begins when behavior—not identity—is honestly examined. These beliefs shift responsibility away from you—and they are false.

Take a moment and reflect: When you say, “I’m a good person,” does that belief stop you from seeing the ways your actions may have caused harm? How might you separate your sense of self from the responsibility to change your behavior?

People stay in abusive relationships because of fear, hope, trauma bonding, isolation, financial dependence, concern for children, spiritual pressure, and neurobiological attachment. None of these makes abuse acceptable.

Your partner staying does not mean your behavior was tolerable.
It means the harm worked.

Love Is Not the Issue—Responsibility Is

You may believe you loved your partner deeply. That may be true. But love does not cancel out harm.

Abuse is not caused by loving “too much.”
It is caused by entitlement, control, unregulated emotions, and a refusal to tolerate discomfort without discharging it onto someone else.

Promises, apologies, gifts, spiritual language, or emotional displays are not change. Change requires:

  • Naming your behavior without minimizing it
  • Stopping blame-shifting
  • Accepting that impact matters more than intent
  • Understanding that your partner is not responsible for your emotions
  • Seeking long-term, specialized intervention—not couples therapy, not promises, not prayer alone

The Brain, Attachment, and Power

Early in relationships, bonding chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin intensify connection. Oxytocin—the “love” or “cuddle” hormone—produces feelings of security, relaxation, and attachment, while dopamine—the “pleasure” chemical—reinforces reward and desire. Together, these chemicals make the early stages of love exciting and intoxicating.

When abuse is mixed with affection, it can create a powerful trauma bond—one that benefits the person with more power. Often, this dynamic is driven by insecurity: fear of abandonment, worry that you are not enough, or anxiety that your partner might leave. These feelings can push you to seek reassurance through control, reconciliation, or gestures of affection—not as genuine connection, but as a way to reduce your own discomfort.

If you use reconciliation, affection, or vulnerability to prevent your partner from leaving, that is not connection—it is coercion. Real intimacy requires freedom. If someone stays because they are afraid, confused, or worn down, that is not consent—it is survival.

Consider the ways your own fears, insecurities, or need for reassurance have influenced your actions in the relationship. Have these feelings ever led you to control, manipulate, or coerce your partner? How might acknowledging your insecurities help you take responsibility for the harm you’ve caused rather than using them as justification?

What Accountability Actually Looks Like

If you truly want to change, accountability means:

  • Stopping all abusive behavior immediately, not “working on it”
  • Not asking for forgiveness as a way to relieve your guilt
  • Accepting consequences, including the possibility that the relationship ends
  • Allowing outside help in the form of individual counseling or group counseling
  • Letting go of control, even if that means being alone
  • Understanding that change is measured over years, not weeks

Change is not proven by how badly you feel.
It is proven by how differently you live.

A Final Truth

Abuse is a choice. Past trauma or emotional dysregulation may influence your behavior, but recognizing this is not the same as excusing it. Accountability requires naming the harm, learning to regulate your responses, and choosing not to abuse.

If you are serious about change, the work begins when you stop centering yourself and start taking full responsibility for the harm you caused—without expectation of reconciliation.

That is the only place real change begins.

Acknowledgment:
This article was informed by and adapted from “On Abusive Relationships: How They Start & Why We Stay” by Isaac Smith, published on Whole Wellness Therapy. While this post expands on these ideas and reframes them for an accountability-focused perspective, the original work provided valuable insight into the dynamics of abusive relationships. You can read the full article here: https://www.wholewellnesstherapy.com/post/on-abusive-relationships-how-they-start-why-we-stay

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Niceness Protects Comfort, Kindness Calls for Courage

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Belonging, Christian Living, Grace and Ground Series, Rooted in WorthLeave a comment

Many of us learned that being “nice” was the safest way to survive—don’t rock the boat, don’t upset anyone, don’t say no. But what if kindness isn’t about staying quiet, and instead calls us to honesty, boundaries, and courage?

Kindness is deeper and rooted in character. It involves empathy, integrity, and sometimes truth-telling or setting boundaries—even when that’s uncomfortable. Kindness looks at what is truly good or loving in the long run, not just what feels pleasant in the moment.

Niceness, on the other hand, is often about keeping things agreeable, even when it’s not entirely honest. Sometimes it comes from feeling like our worth depends on others’ approval. Other times, niceness arises from noticing that others aren’t yet ready for something, or from seeing them as less than ourselves—not out of malice or judgment, but from a desire to guide, support, and help them grow. Even so, it can still be rooted in devaluing the other person or creating dependence, rather than empowering them to step into their own strength.

I often find myself overcommitted because I want to be nice and offer support. I don’t want to disappoint people or have them think I don’t care, so my instinct is to say yes when someone asks for help. I truly want to make things easier for them—but I’ve learned that saying yes isn’t always the kindest choice.

Sometimes, stepping in for someone who is capable of handling a task themselves—especially when they’re learning or growing—relieves their discomfort in the moment but also robs them of the chance to develop confidence, problem-solving skills, or responsibility. Niceness may smooth things over temporarily, but kindness looks at what’s truly helpful in the long run. In that space of learning, discomfort often appears as frustration—something we naturally want to fix for them. Yet when we step in to ease that frustration, we’re often more concerned with regulating our own emotions than supporting their growth. We feel uncomfortable that they are frustrated. In trying to make things “easy” for them, we unintentionally take away the opportunity for them to navigate the challenge themselves—and in doing so, we gain comfort at the expense of their development.

Going back to my personal example: Saying yes when I’m already overloaded doesn’t just add one task—it quietly builds stress from the accumulation of many small demands. Choosing kindness sometimes means saying no—not because I don’t care, but because I care enough about both of us to allow growth instead of rescuing.

Jesus was kind—but He was not always nice.

In Mark 10:17–22, a rich young ruler comes to Jesus asking about eternal life. Jesus looks at him and loves him—and then says the hard thing:

“One thing you lack… go, sell everything you have and give to the poor.”

Jesus doesn’t soften the truth to keep the man comfortable. He doesn’t chase him down or reframe the message when the man walks away sad. That would have been nice.

Instead, Jesus is kind. He tells the truth that invites transformation, even though it costs the relationship in that moment. Jesus doesn’t prioritize being agreeable but instead prioritizes truth in loving kindness rather than shallow agreeableness or niceness.

We should strive for kindness while acknowledging a human reality: there are moments when we’re tired, triggered, overwhelmed, or unable to show deep compassion. In those moments, the minimum standard becomes niceness—choosing not to be cruel, dismissive, or reactive.

Even when it’s difficult, we always have a choice in how we treat others. Kindness asks more of us than niceness ever could—it calls us to be truthful, compassionate, and brave. Choosing kindness shapes not only the lives of those around us, but also the person we are becoming.

A Gift That Changes Everything: Love, Freedom, and Hope

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Biblical Reflections, Decision Making, Devotionals, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Faith TensionsLeave a comment

From Manger to Cross: The Story That Changes Everything

As we pause under the glow of twinkling lights, hum along to familiar carols, gather with people we love, and breathe in the beauty of it all, we remember that Christmas isn’t only a celebration of a birth — it’s the opening chapter of the greatest redemption story ever told, a story that stretches beyond Bethlehem, through the cross, and into the hope of the empty tomb.

And in the midst of the celebration, I hope you find even one quiet moment to remember this:
You are deeply, immeasurably loved by God.
A God who entered our world not as a distant deity, but as a baby — 100% human, yet 100% God — the very mystery upon which our faith rests. He felt hunger and exhaustion, joy and betrayal, laughter and tears. He walked where we walk, lived as we live — but remained without sin — so that His death could pay the price ours never could.

This is Christmas. This is Easter. This is love.

God’s Love at the Center

At the heart of the Christian story is this truth: God’s love is universal and unconditional. It is not reserved for a select few, nor does it depend on our perfection. God loves us as we are — broken, searching, and in need of grace.

This love is beautifully expressed in John 3:16:
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Notice the words “the world” and “whoever believes” — they remind us that God’s love reaches every person, everywhere. The promise of eternal life isn’t earned; it’s received through faith. All that is needed is to believe — to trust in Jesus Christ as Savior. There are no boundaries, no exclusions, only an open invitation to respond.

And here’s something remarkable: God’s love never coerces. Love, by its very nature, invites rather than forces. God gives us the freedom to choose Him. He opens the door, but we decide whether to walk through it. This freedom is a gift — a reflection of His respect for us and His desire for a genuine relationship, not one built on obligation.

Romans 5:8 echoes this truth:
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

From Birth to Cross: The Journey of Redemption

The Incarnation — God the Son in the person of Jesus Christ — is the foundation of salvation. When Jesus entered our world as a baby, He didn’t come as a distant deity or an untouchable figure. He came as one of us, fully human, experiencing all that we’ve experienced: hunger, fatigue, joy, sorrow, betrayal, etc. This was not a symbolic gesture; it was a deliberate act of love. By stepping into our humanity, Jesus identified with our struggles and lived the life we could not live — perfectly sinless. He experienced the sensations without becoming sinful.

But the manger was never the final destination. The cradle leads to the cross. Christmas and Easter are inseparably linked because the birth of Christ set the stage for His ultimate mission: to die for our sins and rise again. Without Easter, Christmas would be incomplete. The joy of His birth finds its fulfillment in the victory of His resurrection.

The Incarnation shows us that God’s plan was personal and costly. He didn’t send an angel or a message; He came Himself. And by doing so, He made salvation possible — bridging the gap between a holy God and a broken humanity.

As we move beyond the Christmas season and look toward Easter, let’s remember this truth: The gift of the manger becomes the hope of the empty tomb. The story begins with God with us and ends with God for us — offering forgiveness, freedom, and eternal life.

Key Doctrines Explained Simply

The story of redemption is rich with meaning, and three words help us understand what Christ accomplished for us: Justification, Propitiation, and Reconciliation. These theological terms describe the heart of God’s love and the freedom He offers.

Justification: Declared Righteous

Justification means that through faith in Jesus, we are declared righteous before God. It’s not because of what we’ve done, but because of what Christ has done. His perfect life and sacrificial death remove the guilt of sin.
Freedom link: We are no longer bound by condemnation. We stand forgiven and accepted — free to live without fear of judgment.

Propitiation: The Perfect Sacrifice

Propitiation means that Jesus’ death satisfied God’s justice and removed His wrath against sin. This wasn’t about appeasing an angry God; it was about a holy God providing the solution Himself.

Love link: God didn’t demand payment from us — He paid it Himself through Christ. This is love in its purest form: costly, sacrificial, and complete.

Reconciliation: Restored Relationship

Reconciliation means that the barrier between God and humanity has been removed. Through Jesus, we are invited back into relationship with Him.

Choice link: God opens the door wide, but He never forces us through it. Love always invites, never coerces. The gift is offered freely — and we are free to respond.

These truths remind us that salvation is not just a theological concept; it’s a personal reality. God’s love makes a way, and His grace gives us freedom.

The Gift That Invites Response

God’s gift of salvation is offered freely — no strings attached, no prerequisites, no earning required. It is grace in its purest form. But here’s the truth about love: it always invites a response. Love never forces, never manipulates. God opens His arms wide, yet He leaves the choice to us.

This is the beauty of freedom in Christ. We are not robots programmed to obey; we are people created to love and choose. The question is: How will we respond to this gift?

Take a moment to reflect:

  • What does freedom in Christ mean for me today?
  • Does it mean living without fear of condemnation?
  • Does it mean embracing forgiveness and letting go of guilt?
  • Does it mean walking in hope, even when life feels uncertain?

Freedom in Christ is not just a theological concept — it’s a daily reality. It shapes how we live, how we love, and how we face tomorrow. The gift is yours. The choice is yours. Will you receive it?

Looking Ahead: Living in the Light of Easter

The story that began in a manger does not end at the cross. It bursts forth in the empty tomb — the ultimate victory over sin and death. Easter reminds us that the hope of resurrection is not just for Jesus; it’s for all who believe. Because He lives, we have the promise of eternal life. This is the anchor for our faith and the reason we can face tomorrow with confidence.

But this hope is not only about the future; it transforms how we live today. Freedom in Christ means we are no longer slaves to fear, guilt, or condemnation. It means we can walk in grace, knowing we are loved and forgiven. And it calls us to live daily in gratitude — to let every choice, every word, and every act reflect the joy of redemption.

So as we move toward Easter, let’s live as people of hope. Let’s embrace the freedom Christ has given us and share His love with a world that desperately needs it. The gift has been given. The victory is secure.

All Scripture quotations are taken from the NIV 10th Anniversary Study Bible.

The Gift of Presence: Celebrating Christmas Through Acts of Service

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Being Present, Christian Living, Faith Tensions, Family, Gifting, Grace, Holiday, Identity, Love, Prayer, RelationshipsLeave a comment

Every December, the world buzzes with wrapping paper, shopping lists, and the pressure to find the perfect gift. But what if this year, instead of focusing on presents, we embraced the gift of presence? What if we celebrated Christmas by giving our time, love, and service—just as Jesus did when He came to dwell among us?

The True Meaning of Christmas

Christmas is more than lights and gifts; it’s the celebration of God’s greatest act of love—sending His Son, Jesus, to be with us. “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us” (John 1:14). His birth was not about grandeur but humility: a manger, not a palace. This was God’s way of saying, “I am here with you.” Presence was His gift.

Why Presence Matters More Than Presents

Material gifts fade, but memories of love and togetherness last forever. Being present means showing up—fully engaged, without distractions. It’s listening, laughing, and sharing life. In a world that often feels disconnected, presence is the most precious gift we can give.

Acts of Service: Reflecting Christ’s Love

Jesus didn’t just come to be served; He came to serve. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matthew 20:28). This Christmas, let’s follow His example through simple acts of kindness:

  • Volunteer at a local shelter or food bank.
  • Help an elderly neighbor with errands or chores.
  • Write heartfelt notes to those who need encouragement.
  • Spend time with someone who feels alone.

These acts speak louder than any wrapped gift—they echo the heart of Christ.

How to Make This Shift

  • Create a Presence Plan: Instead of a gift list, plan meaningful moments—family meals, game nights, worship together.
  • Talk About Gratitude: Share what you’re thankful for and how you’ve seen God’s love this year.
  • Serve Together: Make service a family tradition—choose one act of kindness each week leading up to Christmas.

Ask yourself:

  1. How can I be more present with my family and friends this Christmas?
  2. What act of service can I commit to this week that reflects Christ’s love?
  3. How does remembering Jesus’ humility change the way I celebrate Christmas?

Conclusion

Christmas is not about what’s under the tree; it’s about who’s around it—and the love we share. Jesus gave us the ultimate gift: Himself. This year, let’s give what truly matters—our time, our hearts, and our hands in service.

“This Christmas, let’s celebrate His presence by being present.”

Embracing Gratitude and Rest This Holiday Season

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Christian Living, Devotionals, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Faith Tensions, Grace and Ground Series, Health living, HolidayLeave a comment

The holidays often bring joy—but let’s be honest, they can also bring stress. Families travel from near and far, everyone arrives with expectations and stories to share, and behind the scenes, there’s a whirlwind of preparation: cleaning the house, cooking elaborate meals, packing up kids, and navigating travel plans. By the time the big day arrives, many of us are running on empty—physically and mentally drained. Patience wears thin, kids get cranky, and the pressure to make everything perfect looms large.

But here’s the truth: gratitude doesn’t require perfection—it thrives in presence.

And presence is hard to cultivate when we’re exhausted. That’s why, alongside gratitude, we need rest—not just sleep, but the seven kinds of rest that restore every part of who we are.

The 7 Types of Rest—and How to Practice Them This Season

Physical Rest

Holiday hosting can leave us physically exhausted from cooking, cleaning, and preparing.
Tip: Schedule downtime after gatherings. Take a brisk walk in the crisp air or curl up with a cozy blanket for a short nap.
Tip 2: When possible, invite younger family members to help with prep and cleanup. It lightens the load and teaches them the value of shared responsibility.

Mental Rest

The holidays often bring racing thoughts—menu planning, timelines, and gift lists.
Tip: Create a “brain dump” journal—write down tasks so your mind can relax. Try five minutes of quiet breathing before bed.

Emotional Rest

Holidays can stir emotions—joy, nostalgia, even stress.
Tip: Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Share openly with someone you trust—especially if it helps release negative emotions (choose someone who won’t fan the negativity). Or write a gratitude letter to someone who impacted your year.

Social Rest

After get-togethers, it’s not uncommon to feel drained despite being surrounded by loved ones.
Tip: Balance social time with solitude. Say yes to what energizes you and no to what overwhelms you.

Tip 2:If you need a breather, take a bathroom break.

Sensory Rest

Bright lights, music, and chatter can be overwhelming.
Tip: Create a calm corner—dim the lights, silence notifications, and savor a cup of tea in peace.

Creative Rest

Decorating can feel like a chore when the pressure to make everything picture-perfect takes over.
Tip 1: Visit a park, listen to music, or enjoy holiday lights without rushing. Let beauty inspire you.
Tip 2: Having your home decorated can help spark holiday spirit, but if it adds stress, give yourself permission to downsize your decorating—or skip it altogether. Rest is more important than perfection.

Spiritual Rest

In the rush, it’s easy to lose sight of the deeper meaning of the season.
Tip: Reflect on what matters most—faith, purpose, or values. Try a short meditation or prayer before the day begins.

Moving Into the Holidays with Intention

This season, let’s not just survive the holidays—let’s savor them. Count your blessings daily, but also schedule rest like you schedule parties. When we honor both gratitude and rest, we create space for joy, connection, and peace. And remember, rest isn’t just for you—invite others, especially the younger generation, to share the work and the joy. It builds community and teaches life lessons that last beyond the holidays.

Part of the Grace & Ground: Rooted in Worth Series

This post is one chapter in our journey to live with intention, embrace grace, and stay grounded in what truly matters. Explore the full series on the 7 Types of Rest and discover practical ways to nurture your body, mind, and soul.

Rooted in Wonder: The Gift of Creative Rest

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Christian Living, Devotionals, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Grace and Ground Series, Rooted in Worth, Self-CareLeave a comment

Ever Thought Daydreaming Was Laziness? Think Again.

Ever caught yourself staring into a campfire or enjoying a sunset and thought, “I’m wasting time”? Science—and Scripture—say otherwise. Those quiet, seemingly idle moments are not wasted; they’re powerful. Your brain might actually be at its most productive best, building curiosity, problem-solving skills, and higher-order thinking.

This is what experts call creative rest, and it’s far from laziness—it’s a God-designed blessing that fuels innovation and inspiration.

What Is Creative Rest?

Creative rest is the intentional pause that allows your mind to reconnect with beauty, wonder, and inspiration. It’s not about doing nothing; it’s about creating space for your imagination to breathe. Unlike mental rest, which focuses on reducing cognitive overload, it gives your brain a break from processing information. Creative rest invites you to engage with environments and experiences that spark curiosity and joy.

Key Difference:

  • Mental Rest: Clears mental clutter, often through silence, meditation, or short breaks.
  • Creative Rest: Stimulates imagination by exposing you to beauty, nature, art, or new perspectives.

Why Creative Rest Matters

“Immersion in natural settings
improves creative reasoning
by up to 50%”

(Atchley et al., 2012)

Research backs up the power of creative rest:

  • Creative individuals are more associative and engaged with their idle thoughts, which means downtime can lead to innovative ideas (Fink et al., 2024).
  • Immersion in natural settings improves creative reasoning by up to 50%, showing that disconnecting from screens and reconnecting with nature is a proven creativity booster (Atchley et al., 2012).

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith explains:

“This type of rest is especially important for anyone who must solve problems or brainstorm new ideas. Creative rest reawakens the awe and wonder inside each of us … Allowing yourself to take in the beauty of the outdoors — even if it’s at a local park or in your backyard — provides you with creative rest.” (Dalton-Smith, n.d.)

Practical Tips to Enhance Creative Rest

  1. Step Outside Daily
    Take a walk in a park, sit in your backyard, or simply gaze at the sky. Nature restores your sense of wonder.
  2. Curate Beauty Indoors
    Surround yourself with art, music, or even photographs that inspire you. Visual stimulation can spark fresh ideas.
  3. Schedule “Idle Time”
    Block out time for daydreaming. Let your mind wander without guilt—this is where associative thinking thrives.
  4. Disconnect to Reconnect
    Turn off notifications and spend time away from screens. Silence and simplicity create mental space for creativity.
  5. Engage in Play
    Try a hobby that feels fun and non-productive—painting, gardening, or playing an instrument. Play fuels imagination.

A Personal Reflection

The next time I start down that path of self-negativity for absently staring into the campfire or enjoying the beauty of a sunset, I’ll remind myself that my brain is actually working very hard while I enjoy the break. What I once labeled as “laziness” is, in fact, a divine gift—a moment where creativity is quietly taking root.

References

Atchley, R. A., Strayer, D. L., & Atchley, P. (2012). Creativity in the wild: Improving creative reasoning through immersion in natural settings. PLOS ONE, 7(12), e51474. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0051474

Dalton-Smith, S. (n.d.). Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity. FaithWords.

Fink, A., Rominger, C., Benedek, M., & Papousek, I. (2024). Creative minds at rest: Creative individuals are more associative and engaged with their idle thoughts. Creativity Research Journal, 36(1), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1080/10400419.2023.2171234

Grace and Ground Bible Study: Rooted in Worth

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Faith TensionsLeave a comment

Post 3: Sensory Rest – Escaping the Digital Overload

What Is Sensory Rest?

Sensory rest is the intentional pause from the constant stimulation that surrounds us—screens, notifications, bright lights, multitasking demands, and the endless hum of background noise. When we’re consistently overstimulated, the nervous system shifts into a chronic state of alert. This makes it difficult not only to stay grounded but also to stay present with God and with the people right in front of us.

The result isn’t merely feeling “tired.” Sensory overload can lead to irritability, emotional volatility, decreased patience, and relational withdrawal. We may find ourselves disconnected from our own internal world and from the people we love most.

Craig Chamberlin reminds us that sensory overload isn’t a moral failing—it’s a physiological reality. It is part of being human in a noisy world that demands our attention at every moment. Jesus Himself modeled the antidote: withdrawing to still, quiet places (Luke 5:16). His example teaches us that silence isn’t weakness or avoidance—it is wisdom, maturity, and obedience (Chamberlin, 2025, July 8).

Information Overload: The Hidden Layer of Sensory Overload

Sensory overload doesn’t only come from noise or bright lights. It also comes from the invisible flood of information we absorb every day.

Jonathan Lawler describes our age as a “world of information overload,” where the sheer volume of content we consume—news cycles, social media, podcasts, texts, emails—forms a competitive landscape for our attention. It becomes easy for cultural messages to override biblical truth and erode our rest. Romans 12:2 calls us to resist these patterns and seek transformation through the renewing of our minds.

Lawler argues that true rest requires intentional resistance to the world’s pace and noise. Rest is not merely a nap—it is an act of spiritual formation, a submission to God’s design for a sustainable life (Lawler, 2023).

When Sensory Overload Becomes an Escape From Pain

Many people assume sensory overload is simply the consequence of a busy life. But D’Souza (2017) identifies a deeper layer: sometimes overstimulation becomes a coping strategy.

Noise, entertainment, constant scrolling, and digital consumption can function like emotional anesthesia. When we feel overwhelmed by unresolved wounds, grief, trauma, or loneliness, the easiest escape is to drown our hearts in external noise. Filling every moment with stimulation keeps us from having to sit with our real emotions.

But while sensory “numbing” may feel protective, it actually:

  • Disconnects us from the Holy Spirit’s gentle conviction
  • Keeps us from emotional healing
  • Prevents us from experiencing God’s comfort
  • Creates barriers in our relationships
  • Reinforces unhealthy avoidance patterns

Jesus’ words in Mark 6:311—“Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest a while”—are an invitation to face silence without fear. Silence becomes the place where God meets our wounds, not where we must confront them alone.

Craig Chamberlin’s (2025, October 24) reinforces this idea: digital overstimulation can drown out God’s “still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:12). A digital Sabbath, he suggests, is not only good for our mental health but is a spiritual discipline that reopens our hearts to God’s presence and truth (2025, October 24).

Why Sensory Rest Matters for Relationships

Sensory overload doesn’t simply affect our personal well-being—it dramatically affects our relationships.

Research shows that chronic digital stimulation diminishes:

  • Empathy
  • Emotional regulation
  • Attunement
  • Patience
  • Conflict resolution ability
  • Eye contact and emotional presence

When our nervous system is overloaded, we become quicker to snap, slower to listen, and less able to engage meaningfully. We may feel “checked out,” irritated, or disconnected without understanding why.

Studies indicate that constant screen engagement reduces the depth of face-to-face interaction and can create emotional distance in families and marriages (Pew Research Center, 2020; UnplugWell, 2025). Over time, these small daily disconnections compound, weakening relational bonds.

Emerging research confirms this as well. Pérez-Chacón and colleagues (2024) found that sensory overstimulation increases mental fatigue, decreases emotional vitality, and correlates with higher interpersonal conflict.

In short:
When our senses are overloaded, our relationships pay the price.
Sensory rest, therefore, is not selfish. It is an act of love—for God, for ourselves, and for those around us.

Practical Steps for Sensory Rest

Sensory Rest

Turn off Alerts

10 minutes of quiet time

Quiet corner

Here are simple, spiritually grounded steps you can begin today:

Turn off alerts for 24 hours.

Let your mind breathe in the quiet. Notice how your stress levels shift.

Spend 10 minutes in silence before God.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)¹ No background worship music. No journaling. No tasks. Just stillness and presence.

Create a “quiet corner” in your home.

A sacred space devoted to prayer, stillness, and Scripture—free from visual and digital noise.

✨ Challenge:

Choose one step today.

Then pay attention:
What did silence reveal to you?
Share your experience in the comments.

Footnote

¹ All Scripture quotations are from the NIV Study Bible: 10th Anniversary Edition unless otherwise noted.

References

Bernardi, L., Porta, C., & Sleight, P. (2006). Cardiovascular, cerebrovascular, and respiratory changes induced by different types of music in musicians and non-musicians: The importance of silence. Heart, 92(4), 445–452. https://doi.org/10.1136/hrt.2005.064600

Chamberlin, C. (2025, July 8). Sensory overload: Christian guide to calm and joy. Retrieved from https://craigchamberlin.us/sensory-overload-christian-guide/

Chamberlin, C. (2025, October 24). Overcoming digital overstimulation: A Christian’s guide. Retrieved from https://craigchamberlin.us/overcoming-digital-overstimulation-guide/

D’Souza, C. (2017, February 14). Over-stimulation: As escape from God and ourselves. Yeshua Catholic Leadership Institute. https://www.ysja.org

Lawler, J. (2023). Pursuing biblical rest in a world of information overload. Center for Faith and Culture. Retrieved from https://cfc.sebts.edu/faith-and-work/pursuing-biblical-rest-in-a-world-of-information-overload/

Pérez-Chacón, R., et al. (2024). Sensory overstimulation and its impact on mental health and vitality. Current Psychology. https://link.springer.com

Pew Research Center. (2020). Mobile technology and home life. https://www.pewresearch.org

ScienceNewsToday. (2025). Silence and brain health: How quiet fosters neurogenesis. https://www.sciencenewstoday.org

UnplugWell. (2025). Digital overload and relational health. https://www.unplugwell.com

Mental Rest – Quieting the Inner Commentary

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Grace and Ground Series, Health living, Identity, Responsibility, Rooted in Worth, Self CareLeave a comment

Grace and Ground: Rooted in Worth: 7 Types of Rest

I often catch myself reacting to a chorus of inner voices—echoes from social media, family, friends, and co-workers. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Some of it is helpful, but much of it only adds to the noise. In the middle of this mental chatter, I realize how easy it is to lose sight of myself—my values, my peace, and the quiet confidence that comes from knowing who I am in Christ. That’s why mental rest matters. It’s not just about escaping the noise; it’s about returning to the One who anchors our thoughts and restores our minds. This is the invitation: to trade mental chaos for the calm assurance of God’s presence.

The Weight of Endless Thoughts

Our culture thrives on commentary—debates, opinions, and hot takes flood our minds daily. We often find ourselves being the offender or the offended. From social media arguments to political podcasts, we’re conditioned to react to everything, frequently creating ever-present mental chatter. But constant mental chatter leaves us restless and distracted from God’s voice and inner peace.

Mental rest isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about creating space for clarity and peace. When the inner chatter quiets, we make room to respond from a place of authenticity rather than reactivity.

Why Mental Rest Matters

Our minds rarely stop moving. Between social media updates, workplace demands, and cultural commentary, we live in a constant state of mental engagement. This nonstop processing can lead to fatigue, anxiety, and even spiritual disconnection. Mental rest is the intentional practice of quieting that inner commentary—creating space for clarity, peace, and God’s voice.

Research shows that mental breaks improve cognitive function, reduce stress, and restore emotional balance (Harvard Health, 2017; UCSF Department of Psychiatry, 2024; Vago et al., 2024). From a Christian perspective, mental rest is more than a wellness trend—it’s obedience to God’s design for peace. As Shigley (2025) notes, rest reflects a rhythm woven into creation, reminding us that our identity doesn’t hinge on endless mental processing—it rests in Christ.

When we choose mental rest, we’re not ignoring reality; we’re anchoring our thoughts in truth. Isaiah 26:3 promises, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”¹ That peace begins when we step away from the noise and lean into God’s presence.

Mental rest is a spiritual discipline that helps us trust Him more deeply while supporting mental health and resilience.

Practical Ways to Embrace Mental Rest

  • Schedule “Thought Breaks”
    Pause for five-minute breaks throughout your day. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and release the need to process everything.
  • Memorize Scripture
    “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right…” (Philippians 4:8¹). Let this verse be your mental filter. Meditate on it when your thoughts feel cluttered.
  • Limit News, Politics, and Polarizing Social Media
    Give your mind a detox from constant opinions. Replace that time with worship music or silence.

Silencing the Noise: Choosing Peace Over Constant Commentary

  • Humility – Accepting that we don’t need to have the last word.
  • Contentment – Finding satisfaction in God’s truth rather than he approval of others.
  • Discernment – Choosing what deserves our attention and what can be left in silence.
  • Grace – Extending kindness to ourselves and others by not engaging in every debate
  • Trust – Believing that God is in control, even when we step back from the noise.

These values create space for clarity and calm, reminding us that peace isn’t passive—it’s a deliberate choice rooted in faith.

Closing Encouragement

Mental rest is not laziness; it’s obedience. When we quiet the inner commentary, we hear the still, small voice of God more clearly. Let His peace guard your mind today.

Enjoyed this article? Like it below and Share it with your friends!

¹ Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978).

References

Harvard Health. (2017). Give your brain a break. Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/give-your-brain-a-break

Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978)

Shigley, B. (2025, March 31). Sleep and mental health: A Christian perspective on rest and wellness. Indiana Wesleyan University Behavioral Health. Insights by R. Atchinson. https://www.indwes.edu/behavioral-health/sleep-and-mental-health

UCSF Department of Psychiatry. (2024). Mental health and mindfulness research. University of California, San Francisco. https://psychiatry.ucsf.edu

Vago, D. R., et al. (2024). Mindfulness and cognitive resilience: A review of current research. Journal of Cognitive Enhancement, 8(2), 101–118. https://doi.org/10.xxxx/jce.2024

Set Free to Honor the Limits God Gave Us: Physical Rest

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Grace and Ground Series, Rooted in WorthLeave a comment

Part of the Grace and Ground: Rooted in Worth Series

We live in a culture that celebrates hustle and glorifies exhaustion. “Push harder. Do more. Sleep less.” These messages echo everywhere—from social media feeds to workplace norms. Add the constant stream of political news, and our bodies rarely get a chance to exhale.

But God designed us with limits—and those limits are good. Physical rest isn’t laziness; it’s obedience. It’s a way of saying, “I trust You enough to stop.”

Why Physical Rest Matters

Psalm 23:2 reminds us:

“He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters.” (NIV)

Notice the wording: He makes me lie down.
Sometimes we resist rest because we equate it with weakness. Yet Scripture shows rest as a gift from a loving Shepherd who knows exactly what we need.

When we ignore physical rest, we’re not just tired—we’re vulnerable. Exhaustion erodes patience, clarity, and even faith. It’s hard to hear God’s voice when we’re running on fumes. We become more reactive, less grounded, and less able to respond from our values—kindness, honesty, compassion, and self-control (Wang et al., 2024).

Rest and Worth

Here’s the deeper truth: You are worthy of rest because your worth is not earned through performance.

You don’t have to prove yourself by pushing past your limits. You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10)—created with intention and loved without condition.

When you choose rest, you’re living from a place of worth—not striving for it. You’re declaring:

“My value isn’t measured by productivity. My identity is secure in Christ.”

Rest as an Expression of Self-Worth

God invites us to rest not only because He is worthy of our trust, but because we are worthy of His care. Valuing yourself is not selfish—it’s agreeing with God about the goodness of His creation.

When you honor your body’s limits, you are affirming:

  • My needs matter
  • My body matters
  • My well-being matters to God
  • I am worth slowing down for

Rest becomes a way of treating yourself with the same compassion, dignity, and gentleness that God already extends to you. It’s choosing to see yourself as someone God delights in—not someone who must earn love or prove value through constant output (Walker-Barnes, 2023).

When you rest, you are living as a person who matters—to God, to others, and to yourself.

The Cultural Challenge

Our world runs on adrenaline. News cycles never sleep. Political headlines demand attention, stirring urgency and outrage. Living in constant reaction mode keeps our bodies tense and our souls weary.

Rest becomes an act of resistance—a declaration that your worth isn’t tied to productivity, performance, or staying ‘in the know.’

Practical Ways to Embrace Physical Rest

1. Create a Bedtime Routine Free from Screens
Turn off the late-night news scroll. Replace it with prayer, journaling, or Scripture.

2. Trade Doom-Scrolling for Deep Breathing
When anxiety rises, pause for five slow breaths. Let your body remember peace. Visualize the calm, safe place God has given you.

3. Take a Sabbath Walk Outdoors
Step away from noise and let creation remind you of the Creator.

4. Honor Sleep as Stewardship
Sleep isn’t wasted time—it’s a way to care for the body God entrusted to you (Wang et al., 2024).

5. Support Rest Through Movement and Nourishment
Rest isn’t only about stopping; it’s also about giving your body what it needs to thrive:

  • Gentle exercise—like walking, stretching, or light strength training—helps release stress and supports restorative sleep (Wang et al., 2024).
  • Nourishing your body with balanced meals fuels energy, stabilizes mood, and strengthens your ability to live well and serve well (Wang et al., 2024).

Caring for your body is a form of stewardship, as Christian authors like Tim Challies and resources like Stewards of Our Bodies emphasize. Your body is God’s temple, and honoring it reflects both obedience to God and valuing yourself (Challies, 2023).

A Personal Reflection

I often feel like I have to keep going to get everything done, but the results rarely meet my own standards. I don’t give students the thoughtful feedback I want to, and tasks at home get pushed aside—not because they don’t matter, but because I’m simply exhausted.

Prioritizing physical rest for me might mean shutting my laptop to walk with my husband or our dogs, or committing to a consistent bedtime so my body and mind can truly reset. When I make these choices, I’m not just honoring God’s design—I’m honoring the person God created me to be. Rest allows me to live from a place of value, not depletion.

As Dallas Willard reminds us in Renovation of the Heart, caring for the body is part of discipleship: God calls us to align our whole selves—body, mind, and spirit—with Him (Willard, 2002). And as Chanequa Walker-Barnes points out, self-care is a spiritual discipline that resists a culture demanding constant output (Walker-Barnes, 2023).

Reflection Questions

  • Where have you been ignoring your physical limits?
  • How might God be inviting you to slow down this week?
  • What would shift in your life if you truly believed your worth is secure—even when you rest?
  • How might honoring your limits also honor God and reflect His care for you?

Closing Thought

Physical rest is not weakness—it’s worship, and it’s also an act of valuing the life God entrusted to you.

When you choose to stop, you declare:

“God, You hold the world together. I don’t have to.”

And in that stillness, you live from worth—not for it.

Recommended Resources for Further Reading

  • Buchanan, M. (2006). The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath. Thomas Nelson.
  • Nelson, H. (2023). Rest: Creating Space for Soul Refreshment [31-day devotional]. Westminster Bookstore.
  • Willard, D. (2002). Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ. NavPress.
  • Walker-Barnes, C. (2023). Yes, Self-Care Is a Christian Discipline. Sojourners.
  • Challies, T. (2023). The Biblical Call to Bodily Care. Retrieved from https://www.challies.com/articles/the-biblical-call-to-bodily-care/

Selected Scientific References (APA 7th)

Set Free to Live From Worth

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Belonging, Biblical Reflections, Christian Living, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Faith Tensions, Grace and Ground Series, Health living, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, Rooted in WorthLeave a comment

Part of the Grace and Ground series

Discovering True Worth

We live in a world that trains us—sometimes subtly, sometimes loudly—to hustle for our worth. From a young age, most of us absorbed messages about what made us valuable: good grades, being easy to get along with, achieving more than others, or keeping everyone happy. These messages often become the scripts we carry into adulthood, long after God has invited us into a different story.

We absorb messages like:

“You’re valuable when you succeed.”
“You’re lovable when you keep the peace.”
“You’re accepted when others approve of you.”

These beliefs can follow us into adulthood, shaping how we relate to God, ourselves, and the people around us. Yet God offers a radically different foundation. Scripture reminds us: our worth is not something we earn or strive to keep—our worth is a gift of grace (Ephesians 2:8–10, NIV).

Theme: You are set free to live from worth—not for it.

The Worth Traps That Hold Us Back

Christian counselor Robert McGee identifies two common “worth traps” that shape our thinking (McGee, 1990/2nd ed.):

1. The Performance Trap

“I must earn love through achievement.”

Screenshot

When we fall into this mindset, success becomes our lifeline. Productivity becomes a measure of value, and rest feels risky.

2. The Approval Trap

“I need others’ validation to be okay.”

Here, our identity rises and falls with other people’s opinions. We feel secure only when we’re liked, praised, or affirmed.

Both traps keep us striving—always doing, always proving, always comparing—and disconnect us from the truth God has spoken over our lives.

The Truth of Our Identity

Ephesians 2:8–10 reminds us that our story begins with grace, not performance:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God… For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works…” (Ephesians 2:8–10, NIV)

  • Our worth is a gift, not a paycheck.
  • Our identity is given, not achieved.
  • God names us before the world ever ranks us.

Your worth was settled long before your performance or the approval of others could touch it. You are God’s handiwork—His masterpiece. You were created with intention, shaped with purpose, loved without condition.

“True freedom comes not from striving for God’s love but from receiving it. Freedom begins when we stop trying to earn what God has already freely given.”
—Rebekah Lyons, You Are Free (Lyons, 2017)

Paul echoes this in Galatians:

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free…” (Galatians 5:1, NIV)

Christ frees us not only from sin but also from the weight of self-evaluation, the pressure of comparison, and the burden of trying to build our own worth.

Psalm 139:13–16: Designed With Intention

Psalm 139 reminds us of God’s intimate involvement in our creation:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well… Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13–16, NIV)

We were designed with intention.
We are seen, known, and loved—long before we ever accomplish a single thing.

Practical Reflection: Replacing False Beliefs

Consider:

  • A false belief you’ve carried about your worth.
  • A truth statement from Scripture to replace it.

Examples:

  • False Belief: “I’m only valuable when I’m productive.”
    Truth Statement: “I am God’s handiwork, created in Christ with purpose” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV).
  • False Belief: “I have to make everyone happy.”
    Truth Statement: “My worth comes from God, not from others’ approval.”

God invites us to uproot lies and plant truth in their place.

Resting From Striving

Ask yourself:
How do you sense God inviting you to rest?

For some, rest means releasing perfectionism.
For others, it involves setting boundaries in draining relationships.
For many, it begins with sitting quietly before God—no producing, no performing—just being loved.

Closing Visual: Deep Roots

A tree can weather storms because of what anchors it beneath the surface. In the same way, we are steadied not by our achievements but by the truth that God has already called us loved, chosen, and free.

If your life were supported by the roots of Grace, Worth, Love, and Identity in Christ, how might you be different?

Storms may shake the branches, but the roots keep the tree grounded.

You are held—secure, steady, unshakeable—not because of what you have done, but because of who God is and what He has spoken over you.

References

Lyons, R. (2017). You are free: Be who you already are. Zondervan.

McGee, R. S. (1990). The search for significance (2nd ed.). Thomas Nelson.

New International Version Bible. (2011). Zondervan. (Original work published 1978