Category: Grace

When Love Isn’t Returned

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Belonging, Christian Living, Devotionals, Faith and Spiritual Growth, Faith Tensions, GraceLeave a comment

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

Most hurts in life don’t come from dramatic betrayals.

They come from the little things.

A friend forgets to invite you.
Someone promises to call but never does.
Your text goes unanswered.
You feel overlooked in a meeting.
Someone walks right past you without saying hello.
You’re not included in the conversation.
You hear about a gathering that everyone attended—except you.

None of these moments are life-shattering on their own, but together they can quietly wound our hearts. Before long, disappointment becomes resentment, and resentment begins to rob us of joy.

Scripture reminds us:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”— Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Guarding our hearts is not about loving less. It is about loving well. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5 to “walk in the way of love.” Sometimes the greatest threat to that walk is not a major betrayal but the accumulation of small offenses that quietly tempt us toward bitterness.

Guarding our hearts doesn’t mean building walls around them or refusing to love others. Rather, it means protecting our hearts from becoming hardened by offense, resentment, or cynicism. We cannot always control how others treat us, but with God’s grace, we can choose how we respond. If we are to love like Christ, we must guard our hearts so that disappointment never takes root as resentment.

So, how do we respond when others fail to love us well?

John Wesley described Christian perfection as perfect love—not perfection in performance, but perfection in motive. A heart transformed by God’s love responds differently, even when others disappoint us.

1. Choose Curiosity Before Conclusions

Our first reaction is often to assume the worst.

“They don’t care.”

“They ignored me on purpose.”

“They think I’m not good enough.”

Before assuming someone’s behavior is a statement about your worth, remember that it often reflects what is happening inside of them. Stress, grief, insecurity, exhaustion, fear, or distraction can affect how people respond to others. While their actions may impact us, they are often shaped by circumstances we cannot see.

But we rarely know the whole story.

This doesn’t mean we ignore hurtful behavior or excuse unkindness. It simply means we resist the temptation to immediately assume malicious intent. Perfect love pauses long enough to ask, “Is there another explanation?” before reaching a conclusion.

Love chooses curiosity before condemnation. It gives others the grace we hope they would extend to us when we are at our worst.

2. Refuse to Keep Score

It’s easy to start keeping mental records.

“That’s the third time they’ve done this.”

“I invited them, but they never invite me.”

“I’m always the one putting myself out there.”

The longer we keep score, the harder it becomes to love freely.

Scripture reminds us that love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Rather than keeping a mental scorecard, love refuses to let resentment take root. We cannot control another person’s choices, but we can choose whether bitterness will define our own heart.

Perfect love doesn’t keep a scorecard; it keeps the heart open to God’s transforming grace.

3. Remember Whose Approval Matters Most

When we feel overlooked by people, it’s tempting to question our worth.

But our value has never depended on someone’s invitation, compliment, or attention.

Before anyone else notices us, God already has.

Before anyone includes us, Christ has already welcomed us.

We are dearly loved children of God (Ephesians 5:1).

Living from that identity frees us from constantly seeking validation from others.

4. Extend the Grace You Hope to Receive

If we’re honest, we’ve all been the person who forgot to return a call.

We’ve missed birthdays.

We’ve overlooked someone without meaning to.

We’ve promised something and then become distracted by life.

Remembering our own imperfections makes it easier to respond with compassion instead of offense.

Perfect Love in the Everyday

Christian perfection is often tested not in life’s greatest trials, but in the daily hurts and ordinary relationships that shape our hearts.

Will I assume the best?
Will I forgive quickly?
Will I choose peace over offense?
Will I continue to love even when love isn’t perfectly returned?

Most of us won’t face persecution today.

But almost all of us will experience a small disappointment.

Perhaps that’s where perfect love grows—not in extraordinary moments, but in the quiet, everyday decision to refuse offense, extend grace, and continue loving anyway.

Reflection

Ask yourself today:

  • Has a small hurt quietly become a root of bitterness in my heart?
  • Have I assumed motives I cannot know?
  • Is there someone I need to forgive—or simply extend grace to?
  • How can I reflect Christ’s love, even if it isn’t returned?

The world teaches us to mirror the behavior of others.

Jesus calls us to mirror Him.

That is the heart of Christian perfection—not waiting for others to love us well, but allowing God’s perfect love to shape our hearts so that we respond as Christ would, regardless of how we are treated.

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can…as long as ever you can.” — John Wesley

Next in the series: When Love Requires Wisdom: When Should We Believe What Someone’s Behavior Is Telling Us?

The Gift of Presence: Celebrating Christmas Through Acts of Service

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Being Present, Christian Living, Faith Tensions, Family, Gifting, Grace, Holiday, Identity, Love, Prayer, RelationshipsLeave a comment

Every December, the world buzzes with wrapping paper, shopping lists, and the pressure to find the perfect gift. But what if this year, instead of focusing on presents, we embraced the gift of presence? What if we celebrated Christmas by giving our time, love, and service—just as Jesus did when He came to dwell among us?

The True Meaning of Christmas

Christmas is more than lights and gifts; it’s the celebration of God’s greatest act of love—sending His Son, Jesus, to be with us. “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us” (John 1:14). His birth was not about grandeur but humility: a manger, not a palace. This was God’s way of saying, “I am here with you.” Presence was His gift.

Why Presence Matters More Than Presents

Material gifts fade, but memories of love and togetherness last forever. Being present means showing up—fully engaged, without distractions. It’s listening, laughing, and sharing life. In a world that often feels disconnected, presence is the most precious gift we can give.

Acts of Service: Reflecting Christ’s Love

Jesus didn’t just come to be served; He came to serve. “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matthew 20:28). This Christmas, let’s follow His example through simple acts of kindness:

  • Volunteer at a local shelter or food bank.
  • Help an elderly neighbor with errands or chores.
  • Write heartfelt notes to those who need encouragement.
  • Spend time with someone who feels alone.

These acts speak louder than any wrapped gift—they echo the heart of Christ.

How to Make This Shift

  • Create a Presence Plan: Instead of a gift list, plan meaningful moments—family meals, game nights, worship together.
  • Talk About Gratitude: Share what you’re thankful for and how you’ve seen God’s love this year.
  • Serve Together: Make service a family tradition—choose one act of kindness each week leading up to Christmas.

Ask yourself:

  1. How can I be more present with my family and friends this Christmas?
  2. What act of service can I commit to this week that reflects Christ’s love?
  3. How does remembering Jesus’ humility change the way I celebrate Christmas?

Conclusion

Christmas is not about what’s under the tree; it’s about who’s around it—and the love we share. Jesus gave us the ultimate gift: Himself. This year, let’s give what truly matters—our time, our hearts, and our hands in service.

“This Christmas, let’s celebrate His presence by being present.”

No Other gods Before Me

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, GraceLeave a comment

I’m at times accused of being a Liberal which I don’t think is accurate, but I also cannot totally align with Conservatives either.  I think the liberal label sometimes gets applied to anyone who defends the poor and oppressed among us (Psalm 12:5; Psalm 82:3-4; Deuteronomy 10:18).  The conservative label has become synonymous with anger, hate and privilege.  At any rate that is not the point of this post.  One of the points of this post is that people often align their politics with a political ideology or political figure. This figure becomes a political god and their politics become a god before them that they are willing to defend to the death. Unfortunately, it is not a martyr’s death they are dying. If you are a Christian fighting for your politics is not martyrdom. It is following a false god.   

In my home state of New York, we have once again found ourselves in the midst of a fallen leader, Gov. Cuomo.    Gov. Cuomo needs to resign.  He has not conducted himself in the way that a leader should.  There is no defense.  Our politicians need to be held to a standard above reproach regardless of their political ideologies.  However, I said this very same thing in regards to former President Donald Trump.  The standards don’t change depending upon which political party someone belongs. 

We as a people need to be guided by our values. If you’re a Christian, by your Christian values not by a political ideology or political figure.  I sometimes hear other Christians say that “I stand my ground; I won’t change my mind” like standing our ground or changing our minds is some evil sin.  In Isaiah 1:18 God says, “Come now, let us reason together.”  Yet these same people turn a blind eye to the failings of their political leaders. They are unable to acknowledge wrongdoing at times denying what is before them.  Or if they do acknowledge it, it is swept under the rug with rationalizations such as, it’s a political witch hunt.  They may even claim the political figure is being targeted because of his stand on one issue or another.  

The Bible says we are to use the minds that God has endowed us with to critically think about the issue before us.  Critically thinking does not mean to think negatively but to ask important questions:

  1. How does the information I have align with my values/belief/worldview?
  2. Am I looking at this through the lens of Scripture?  
  3. Am I dismissing other information that I don’t like?
  4. Am I having an emotional reaction that prevents me from reasoning with others?
  5. Do I feel that those who don’t agree with me are idiots?  Do I see people who disagree as “less than” or as enemies?

Let me be clear, my issue is not so much about the people in the pew but about those behind the pulpit.  My concern is with those who are in leadership positions and lack the self-awareness to recognize their own gain-to increase their following, to be liked, to be part of a controversy, or even more well-intentioned to gain favor by defending a God that needs no defending.  I truly believe that most Christians, at least those in the pews, are well-intentioned.  In their desire to be good followers of Christ they get lost in the act of being Christian and lose sight of the Calling that Christ has given to each one.  We are called to be a beacon of light for those who are lost.  We are called to invite those who don’t know Christ to the feast that he has prepared for them.  We are less able to do that if we’re always fighting, angry and refusing to reason with “the enemy” or getting lost in the defense of our faith.  God does not call us to defend our faith but to live in truth while loving and extending grace towards others.  His job is to move their hearts our job is to gather people together as a hen gathers her chicks.  How I long for us to look over our country and weep for those who are hurting and lost and to gather them together under the protective wings of truth and grace. 

Blessings or Privileges

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Decision Making, Faith Tensions, Forgiveness, Grace, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility, Uncategorized3 Comments

I am so blessed, definitely in a privileged kind of way. I don’t have to worry about being put in a position of having to do my job at the risk of taking someone’s life. I don’t have to contemplate the possibility of having to make a quick life or death decision that determines if someone goes home to hug their family or leaves in a body bag. I don’t have to wonder when I leave for work, if this is the last day that I will hug my family or wake up beside my partner.  I don’t have to wonder if today I’m going to be targeted because of the uniform, I put on. 

I believe that the vast majority of Law Enforcement Officers (LEO) are good people doing their jobs.  Men and women who have signed up for the job aware of the dangers and yet willing to accept the risks.  For most of these officers the rewards outweigh the risks.  What rewards? I suspect that most, if not all, LEOs have or develop a protective heart.  Meaning they are in the position because they value keeping loved ones safe and their heart calls them to do so on a societal scale.  Some of the officers with whom I have spoken personally report from their earliest memories they dreamed of being a police officer and putting the “bad guys” in jail. Not for the sake of putting the bad guys in jail as much as for keeping good people safe.  Other officers have described growing up in dysfunctional homes where they were often subjected to domestic violence situations often witnessing a parent (usually mom), siblings or other loved ones being beaten up by another parent, parental figure, sibling etc.  These officers grew up knowing how this felt and developed a desire to want to make it all stop.  Some officers grew up in safe environments and just have a desire to create safe spaces for others.  

Are there some in it for the money and benefits? Perhaps but I think there might be safer ways to make money or build a retirement. Perhaps in small relatively safe communities like the one I live there might be some of that. In these areas, well-paying jobs or opportunities to make a healthy living may well be limited making LE a viable “safe” option.  I believe even these young men and women develop an identify around the “job”.  This identity speaks to professionalism, pride in their societal role.  Are there some law enforcement officers who might have become disillusioned with the job or who might have let the authority they are vested with go to their head? Sure, human nature does that.  But I believe this is a very small percentage.  The overwhelming majority of LEOs are men and women who just want to go home to hug their families at night.  I wonder, if during this time, officers are experiencing a bit of what our Vietnam Vets experienced when they returned home?  A nation that was turning against them.  Is this what we are doing to our law enforcement officers?  

            I am so blessed, in a privileged kind of way- that I have never had to talk to my sons or daughters about the dangers of life due to skin color.  I have never left a job interview wondering if the color of my skin would determine whether I would get hired.  Upon being hired, I never had to defend myself against comments that I only got the job because of the color of my skin.  I have never had to worry about not being welcome in a community I choose to live because of the color of my skin.   I can look at the current news and decide to turn it off and go about my daily life as normal.  I can see the news and watch the videos of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Tamir Rice and think how horrific these incidents are never giving a thought that it could happen to me, my children or one of my loved ones. 

            Just as there are bad cops there are bad protesters. How do we navigate the tension between supporting our law enforcement and supporting those who have suffered historical trauma on a grand scale?  How do we answer those who say that the looters and rioters are not protesting their lived experiences?  I think of individuals that I have counseled who have experienced trauma and will have a melt-down weeks, months, or even years later that seemingly have nothing to do with the original trauma.  Yet, where else would such rage, such destructive behavior come?  Are some of the protesters manipulating the situation?  Yes, again that is human nature. However, I have to believe that most of the protesters are individuals who have lived in a system that has denied their voice. 

            So often we confuse Class Privilege with White Privilege.    First, we need to start with the word that triggers many of us: ‘privilege.”  Privilege is generally viewed as being given something for nothing, it’s unearned.  That is largely, true.  Class privilege is what most of us did NOT grow up with.  Class privilege is not having to worry about being able to afford a place to live, not having to worry about attending the university of my choice due to financial constraints, not having to worry about the ability to borrow money knowing that I have assets enough to back my requested loan at a very low interest.  Often times, if not always, class privilege is related to your family name.  It comes with the ability to do certain things without worry about financial restraints.  All races experience class privilege.  However, there are a disproportionate number of people of color who experience the upper levels of class privilege. We have to ask ourselves why!  

So, when white people hear the term “white privilege” they say, “I worked hard for everything I have. No one gave me anything,” the underlying unverbalized thought is “If I can do it so can they!” This doesn’t feel like “privilege” it feels like hard work.  White privilege does not mean that you haven’t experienced challenges.  It doesn’t mean that you haven’t worked hard for everything you have.  What it does mean, however, is that your fight is about the same as most peoples.  You are fighting on the same playing field with the same rules. 

Recognizing your white privilege does not mean that you are racist.  You might be but if you are able to recognize that life has handed you a different set of circumstances because of the color of your skin you might really not be racist.  It’s what you do with that knowledge that determines whether an individual is racist or not.  Refusing to acknowledge it, denying that it exists is an act of racism because it allows the system to continue even though it is unfair.  If you recognize white privilege but refuse to change the system because it benefits you it’s probably racism.  Refusing to recognize that being white is an advantage is white privilege.  White privilege although it involves current events is really more about the past and how the past has affected the present.  This short video may help to explain it:  

How does this play out in current national events?  There are systemic issues that have brought on the current conflict seemingly between law enforcement officers and protesters.  The real fight is not between individual members of either group but between POWER and powerlessness. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ( Eph. 6:12 NIV)  Do I wish police brutality didn’t exist?  A resounding YES! Do I wish that protests could all be peaceful demonstrations?  A resounding YES! The issue is not about individual law enforcement officers and individual protesters but about a system that sets up conflict.  I believe most of us will agree that law enforcement officers are simply trying to do the job they have been charged with which is to keep our cities and towns safe. But within this ONE job, they are expected to wear many hats: protecter, soldier, social worker, EMT, etc. Again, do I wish that it never resulted in police brutality?  YES!  By the same token, I, also, believe that most of the protesters are hard working, compassionate individuals simply trying to have their voices heard.  Again, do I wish that they would do so in peaceful demonstrations?  YES! However, how has that worked for them over the past 30 years? It is NOT an us against them situation!

My heart is heavy as I recognize my own privileged blessings and yet I feel guilty for all of these blessings.  Maybe that is because these privileged blessings are more about responsibility towards others rather than a gift from God.  When I typically think of being blessed by God, I think that it is a gift received without expectation for action.  However, Psalm 67: 1-2 states, “May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine on us—so, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations” (NIV).  If we are blessed or in this case privileged, I believe that God expects us to use these blessings to make his ways known on earth, his salvation among all nations.  It carries with it an opportunity to be the mind, heart, hands and feet of Christ to a broken world.  How do we answer those who rightly say that in my lifetime I have benefited from white privilege and I have been complacent?  Have I been complacent?  Has my complacency resulted in a system of racism?  I like to think that I have spoken out against such things, but have I done enough?  I think not, and yet I remain at a loss of knowing what more to do.  How do we live out Psalm 67?  It is not for the faint of heart.  

Partnering With God

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Grace, Partnership, Responsibility, Uncategorized1 Comment

canstockphoto13343079

Have you ever stopped to consider that YOU are a partner with Christ in establishing the Kingdom of God.

When I think of partnerships, two types come readily to my mind-business and marriage. A business partnership is formed in order to attain a known objective, such as providing a service to the public at a profit for the partners. A marriage partnership is two people with common interests and values joined together to help one another reach the full potential that God has designed for each of them to achieve and to reproduce and create a microcosm of the relationship we have in Christ. In both a business and marriage partnership it is joining of the resources of the partners involved to achieve a common goal.

In the same way, the concept of a spiritual partnership implies that it is created with godly objectives, glorifying God and working to build His Kingdom. Just as we are united in a relationship, so we are all united in a partnership formed to glorify God by completing His work.

From the very beginning God planned that his creation would work somewhat in a partnership with Him. God created man to be co-workers with Him. In Genesis 1:26 God said “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let THEM rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Genesis 2:8, 15 says “Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

To say that we are equal partners with God would be wrong. Yet he invites us, even delegates work to us, to do kingdom work here on earth. Clearly, the partnership puts God in the dominant position, the Sr. partner, so to speak. Perhaps, similar to something like a partnership between Steve Jobs of Apple computers and a high school media specialist.

The story of Abraham in Genesis 18:16-33 illustrates God acting in partnership with his people. When God has determined to pass judgment over Sodom he states “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?” God begins, as if recognizing that a valid partnership requires consultation before any major decision. Next, God unveils a plan to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. He allows Abraham to know his plan and then allows Abraham to plead on their behalf. (Genesis 18:16-33).

In Philip Yancey’s book Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference he states that history is the story of God giving away power. After entrusting humans with the gift of free choice, God invited them to act as partners, even to argue and wrestle with the One who created them. Yet virtually everyone God picked to lead a new venture—Adam, Abraham, Moses, David—proved disappointing in part. Apparently God committed to work with human partners no matter how inept.

During his brief stay on earth, Jesus also demonstrated a partnership assembling a dozen flawed followers, to whom he handed over the keys of the kingdom of God. Think of the disciples, 12 ordinary men most were fishermen and one was a tax collector – Thomas was a skeptic whom many say had a bit of a gloomy personality and was easily discouraged; Peter was impulsive & strong willed; James & John nicknamed ‘Sons of Thunder’ had stormy personalities that were given to anger and quick judgments; Philip was slow to recognize Jesus; Matthew the tax collector likely had a poor reputation; Judas, was a betrayer.

These were men that exhibited weaknesses. They became afraid in a violent storm on the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 8:23-27). In Gethsemane they fell asleep when they had been asked to watch and pray (Matthew 26:40). They were indignant at Mary’s anointing Jesus with costly perfume (Matthew 26: 8). 
Like all of us, they suffered lapses of memory forgetting to bring food when crossing the Sea of Galilee
(Matthew 16: 5). 
Jesus rebuked the disciples for their unbelief when He was casting out demons
from a possessed child (Matthew 17: 15-20). On another occasion two of their number wanted to incinerate a town. (Luke 9:52-54)

With such flawed humans at the helm, it is hard to believe that the movement took off and the human partnership has not stopped since.

We are “God’s fellow workers,” the apostle Paul said (1 Cor. 3:9). We partner with God’s actions in the world. Paul states in 1 Cor. 1:9 “God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful.” The Greek word Koinonia is generally translated as fellowship but can also mean joint participation or partnership. It seems to make sense in this verse as partnership: “God who has called you into partnership with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful.” Let’s think about this for a minute: If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are in partnership with him – this means that all of your resources belong to him and all of his resources belong to you. He has a vested interest in you and your success. There is a mutual service. Christ not only knows about our weaknesses he is at work with us in our weakness to accomplish his goals.

The Bible speaks of Abraham and Moses as being friends of God, and of David as a man after God’s own heart. “You are my friends if you do what I command,” Jesus said, who then explained, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:5) Having shared the knowledge, Jesus now asks us to take up the partnership of God’s work on earth.

To summarize what true Christian fellowship is, relationship describes what we are, a community of people bound together by our common life that we share through our union with Christ. Partnership describes how we interact within that relationship—we are partners in a calling and an enterprise in which we are to work harmoniously with ashared purpose to achieve mutual objectives to glorify God and to do the work of Jesus Christ.

Do you think of yourself as Christ’s partner? Do you see yourself working with Christ to complete the good work he started? What difference does seeing yourself as a partner with Christ make in your daily life?

Unless otherwise noted all Bible verses are from the Holy Bible: New International Version (2011). Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan.

When you’ve been a disappointment

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Forgiveness, Grace, Responsibility, Self CareLeave a comment

tiger swallowtail on a yellow lantana.
Photo by Dr. Martin LaBar

It’s easy to let someone’s expectations of us affect our self-esteem.  If our self-esteem is determined by what others think of us, we are likely to be on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  But as the caterpillar is transformed into a beautiful butterfly, so too are we.

What do we do when others are disappointed in us? We typically withdraw, lash out or quietly take it while our minds race with “how dare they” types of thoughts.  But could there be another way of dealing with it?

Certainly, a self-examination to see if there is a valid reason for someone to be disappointed is a first step.  When we have truly let someone down,  withdrawing or lashing out at them only makes us appear immature. Unfortunately, it may be the automatic defense mechanism that activates when we feel “less than.”  It seems more comfortable to give the other person a litany of reasons why we failed which really only serves to minimize our role or to avoid responsibility.  Which in turns leaves the other person feeling unheard or criticized and robs us of the opportunity to regain their respect.  The simplest response would be to admit failure.  It is what it is.  No one is perfect. Reminding ourselves that we are more than this one failure.

Sometimes people are disappointed with us due to their own unmet needs.  It’s unlikely that they are going to be able to recognize that their disappointment  has anything to do with them.  Our reaction though has everything to do with us.  Again a time of self-evaluation is in order.  What we often find is the root cause of our poor response can be found in low self-esteem.

A right view of who we are comes from realizing that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 NIV).  Meaning before we even had “it” together, Christ sought us out and wanted us to spend eternity with him.  Beyond that (as if that isn’t enough) the Bible is rich in the historical account of those who have failed and, yet, God saw fit to use in spite of their failures.

Moses is a prime example.  Exodus tells us of Moses failing his adoptive family and his people, the Israelites.  He lashed out in anger and retreated to the wilderness in fear.  I suspect that he was a confused man who was severely disappointed with himself.  When God first called Moses, Moses hid his face (Ex. 3).  In Exodus 4 Moses fears that the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him and he says that he is slow of speech.  Even though Moses was raised in the palace, nothing in him exudes self-confidence.  Going forward in Moses life, the Israelites frequently turned against him, expressing their disappointment with him (Numbers 14).  In Numbers 20, Moses does fail and will be prevented from seeing the Promised Land because of it. Yet God used him, in spite of his failures and the failures of the Israelites.  Moses didn’t always get it right.  Yet as he grew in faith he learned to deal with those who criticized him and wanted him stoned. He frequently interceded for them, even to offering his life for theirs (Exodus 32, Numbers 14, 16, & 21).  Moses was an ordinary person who was able to do extraordinary things in spite of other’s disappointment with him.  Every day is an opportunity for you to be extraordinary.

The tension between faith and community

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Grace, ResponsibilityLeave a comment

tree
Photo by Bentley McQuinn

Most of us really struggle with the tension between trying to stay true to our Christian values and living in community with the larger society.   We tend to either come off as hate mongers or people with no back bone.  Can there be a balance?  Where is the line in the sand? I must admit that this hit home for me a few weeks ago when during our weekly fellowship following church, someone came
up to me all upset and informed me that an older gentleman had told a younger gentleman
that he was going to hell!  I was flabbergasted!  It is also not uncommon for someone outside my church to tell me the “sins” of the people attending our church.  Or to hear from outsiders that the people attending our church are no better than they are as if that is suppose to shock me.  Is it really any different than what Jesus experienced??

First, to balance this tension it’s important to know what you believe.  Far too many people in the faith community think they understand their beliefs but yet far too few engage in group Bible Studies and tend to focus on one or two tenets of their faith. Going to church and listening to your pastor or the television preacher on Sunday morning  is not enough. Some have focused their learning and studying in isolation.  Meaning they may be very disciplined at church attendance or doing their own Bible Study but without the active participation in their own faith community they are often left with a one-sided view.  We tend to hear/read/study those things with which we agree.  What that means is that we are only looking for those things that support our beliefs.  Joining a Bible study group allows you the opportunity to hear from others and, if there is a good facilitator, allows the group to expand their understanding without falling victim to heresy or factions.  Hearing your pastor say the job of the Christian is to ‘spread the good news’ is interpreted differently for different people.  For some spreading the good news means to tell someone they are on the road to hell.  For others, it means accepting the sin with the person.  Whatever “spreading the good news” means to you is how you will interpret and act on what you hear.  As one of my Bible profs used to say “the pendulum swings truest when it swings in the middle.”

Belonging to a denomination is helpful.  Not that you must belong to a denomination to be saved but identifying with a denomination provides you with basic doctrinal statements that may help guide your understanding of Scripture. This isn’t blind following.  It’s increasing understanding through the reasoning powers that God gives.  Some people have turned their backs on organized religion saying that the leaders have failed or due to feeling restrained by these doctrinal statements.  Some even justify it by saying that Jesus wasn’t part of a denomination.  That is like saying the various political parties aren’t American.  They all started through one governmental system just as all Christian denominations started through Jesus (Malachi 2:10; John 17:21).  We are allowed the freedom to bring our different interpretations of doctrine but being part of a denomination helps to prevent truth decay by having scholars that with the help of the Holy Spirit search through the Scriptures to increase understanding. I don’t know about you but I know I need these scholars who have studied and prayed about the tenets of faith far more than I ever could.  When I don’t understand their point of view, I seek out “wise counsel” (Prov. 11:14, 12:15, 15:22, 28:26).  Going off on my own and taking a little from this sect or that sect only serves to produce a “me-ism” religion allowing for a lot of truth decay only exonerated through a painful root canal.

As Christians, we are called to “love one another” (John 13:34; 1 John 4:7, 12; Rom. 13:8; Isaiah 58) and to share our faith with one another (2 Cor. 9:13).  And this is likely where most of the tension comes in.  For all Christians who accept the challenge to share Christ with others the goal is to love one another.  How that plays out in day to day life though can look very different.  For some, loving one another can mean telling those we come in contact with that they are on a road to destruction.  For others, it means accepting the person with the sin.  Both sides feel they are right.  I fear, in our passion to be “true” to Christ, lines are being drawn within the Christian community causing division amongst brothers and sisters in Christ.  I cringe when I hear T.V. Christian personalities spewing hate in exchange for ratings.  I get angry with these “Christians” who have bought into the idea that the more hateful someone pronounces the “other side” the more God fearing these personalities are portrayed.  In our zealousness to prove our love for Him, we often push people away by exhibiting a judgmental attitude that is not in keeping with Christ’s attitude towards us.  For this group, it is often easier to accept grace than to give grace forgetting that they were once on the other-side. Statistics show that those who come to faith out of fear rarely remain in the faith .9/11 statistics).

The other side of the pendulum though is just as dangerous.  Sweeping sin under the carpet in “the name of Christ’s love” is just as wrong.  There is sin and we are accountable for living out that truth by sprinkling a little salt now and then (Col. 4:2-6; Matt 5:13, Titus 1:9).  To focus only on God’s love leads just as quickly to truth decay as focusing only on God’s judgement. I cringe just as much when I hear Christians down playing the truth of God’s judgement with an anything goes doctrine. I’ve also been on the receiving end of being told “well, if you’re a Christian you have to love someone regardless of their actions.”  Yes, I have to love them but I don’t have to allow myself to be their doormat.  Acting in love may simply mean that you don’t retaliate or cause them harm when the opportunity presents itself which in itself is a great lesson.  Living out our faith means loving everyone and sharing the truth of the gospel by helping them to see that God has another plan for their lives that will bring more purpose and fulfillment then anything they could ever imagine.

Balancing the tension between sharing our faith honestly and fully loving those who have a different belief system than we do is impossible without the help of the Holy Spirit.  Our part is to get rid of the “me” and tcanstockphoto8223372o allow more of Christ to come through.  I’ve come to recognize that, at least for me, if I am eager to confront someone with the “truth” then it probably has more to do with me then with Christ.  But if in the pit of my stomach I cringe from approaching someone with Christ’s truth it just might be Christ prompting me.  The opposite could also be true.   Examining ourselves with the following questions might help us to understand the why behind our actions:

  1.   Am I trying to earn my way to heaven by “winning souls”?
  2.   Am I trying to earn my way to heaven by my obedience/performance?
  3.   Am I trying to win favor by being accepted by a certain group (namely a  church leader/group of Christian friends)?
  4.   Am I trying to “cover a multitude of my sins” by converting another to Christ”

By recognizing that we don’t earn God’s favor by how we perform, what other’s think about us, or who we know, that we are freely given God’s love by accepting Christ’s death on the cross as our punishment for our sins will, hopefully, help us to balance the tension of sharing our faith in love.   Romans 1218 says “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”   Ecclesiastes 7:18  says “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.  Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.”  Pray that the tension between sharing your faith in grace and truth never goes away for if it does we are likely leaning too far one way or the other.

Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Grace, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility3 Comments

Life is hard.  For some it is harder than others.  We live in a time when it is easy to be judgmental of one another.  To look the other way when we see someone down and out or worse off than us.  To somehow feel that they have gotten what they deserve or perhaps to feel that we are more deserving and have somehow “earned” our status in life.  Unfortunately, being born with more intelligence, money, pleasing personality, talent, good looks, leadership ability, supports, connections, confidence, etc.,  doesn’t make you more deserving.  It makes you more responsible.  Jesus says in Luke 12:48 “But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.  From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

It’s a little easier to “hcanstockphoto28332325elp” someone who we feel is deserving of our help.  It’s quite another to help someone who we feel has put themselves in a bad situation.  The unwed single mother who should have known better. Rarely do we think the same of the man/men who helped her to get in the situation.  If asked, we’d probably say he is just as wrong but we don’t expect him to experience the same consequences that she does.  No, if he has any involvement with the children he fathered, he receives praise and pats on the back. Even the father  struggling to pay his child support doesn’t receive the same respect as the well-to-do man that never sees his kids but has a well paying job.  We often look down on the person who struggles to hold a job thinking s/he lazy or wanting a hand-out.  We don’t see the years of criticism that have worn this person’s self-confidence down or made them feel that they aren’t capable competent individuals.  What about the addict that can’t kick the addiction that quite possibly has its roots in an undiagnosed, unmedicated mental illness?  No, we often think that someone is deserving or not based on their financial security.  It may have nothing to do with whether they are a good person.

Yet, Jesus was very clear in the above scripture that we will be judged based on the measure to which we use what we have been endowed with.  With blessings comes responsibility!!  Isaiah 58 makes it even clearer when the prophet confronts the people for wanting to be noticed for their outward sacrifices (58:2-3 NIV).  Isaiah describes exactly what is expected of us:  ‘to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppresscanstockphoto28630942ed free and break every yoke? . . .  to share your food with the hungry and to provide the
poor wanderer with shelter, to clothe the naked. . . ‘(Isaiah 58: 6-7a NIV).  To be sure, doing any of these things does not make us deserving but rather our light shines only by what we are able to do for others.  Our healing comes by way of meeting the needs of others.

We are called to be a ‘Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings’ (Isaiah 58: 12).  Will you take up the challenge to be all of what you are called to be??