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How Language Shapes Depression: When Words Keep Us Stuck—or Help Us Heal

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Christian Living, Decision Making, Faith Tensions, Mental Health and Wellness, Personal Growth, Self CareLeave a comment

In previous posts, we explored what depression is, how it presents, and how treatment and coping strategies can support recovery. In this post, we’ll look at a less obvious—but powerful—factor in depression: language.

Specifically, we’ll explore how the words people use internally (self‑talk) and externally (how they describe their experiences to others) can contribute to depression—or, in some cases, help loosen its grip.

This isn’t about “positive thinking.” Depression is not caused by negative language, and it can’t be cured by simply changing words. But research shows that language plays an important role in how emotions are experienced, interpreted, and regulated.

A Cautionary Example: Language and Thought in 1984

George Orwell’s 1984 offers a striking illustration of how language can shape inner experience. In the novel, the totalitarian government of Oceania develops Newspeak, a simplified form of English designed to limit what people can think.

Words associated with freedom, resistance, or individuality are stripped down or eliminated altogether. As a result, citizens don’t just avoid rebellious thoughts—they gradually lose the ability to form them at all. By narrowing language, the government narrows thought (Orwell, 1949).

Depression is not a political system, but the parallel is useful. Depression often narrows the language people use to describe themselves and their experiences, making thoughts more absolute, rigid, and identity‑based.

How Depression Shows Up in Language

People with depression frequently use language that reflects the intensity and persistence of their symptoms:

  • “I’m broken.”
  • “Nothing ever works out.”
  • “This is just who I am.”

These statements are not exaggerations or cognitive errors in the moment—they are expressions of genuine distress. Depression tends to pull emotional states into identity, making temporary experiences feel permanent and defining.

Over time, such language can reinforce feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, even when circumstances change.

This is where psychological research on affect labeling and language framing becomes relevant.

For someone like Sammy, this often sounds like identity‑level statements rather than descriptions of experience. During depressive episodes, Sammy’s thoughts shift from “I feel exhausted and discouraged” to “I’m broken” or “This is just who I am,” even though those thoughts tend to soften during periods of remission.

Affect Labeling: Naming Feelings Without Becoming Them

Affect labeling refers to the process of identifying and naming emotions with words. According to Givon, Meiran, and Goldenberg (2024), affect labeling is not just descriptive—it actively shapes emotional experience.

Research shows that when people label emotions (e.g., “I feel sad,” “I feel overwhelmed”), emotional intensity often decreases slightly, and emotional experiences become more manageable. Importantly, this occurs without requiring problem‑solving or reframing.

In depression, this distinction matters:

  • “I am hopeless” suggests a fixed identity.
  • “I feel hopeless right now” describes an emotional state.

The second does not minimize suffering. Instead, it introduces a small but meaningful separation between the person and the symptom. This separation can reduce emotional fusion and support regulation over time (Givon et al., 2024).

For Sammy, learning to say “I feel hopeless right now” instead of “I am hopeless” doesn’t remove the pain—but it helps keep the feeling from becoming a permanent definition of self.

Language Framing and Depressive Self‑Talk

Beyond labeling emotions, how experiences are framed in language also influences mood and meaning.

A comprehensive review by Flusberg and colleagues (2024) shows that subtle differences in wording—such as absolutes (“always,” “never”), scope (“everything,” “nothing”), and identity‑based phrasing (“I am”)—can significantly affect how situations are perceived and emotionally processed.

Depression tends to favor language that is:

  • Global
  • Permanent
  • Self‑defining

This kind of framing can make depression feel inescapable, even when treatment, support, or improvement is underway.

Language as One Supportive Tool—Not a Cure

It’s important to be clear: changing language is not a standalone treatment for depression. Depression is a multifactorial condition influenced by biology, psychology, and environment.

However, research suggests that adjusting how emotions and experiences are put into words can support other treatment approaches by:

  • Reducing emotional overwhelm
  • Increasing psychological flexibility
  • Helping individuals separate symptoms from identity

Language doesn’t create recovery—but it can help create space for it.

An Integrated Design: Emotions, Body, Thoughts, and Behavior

From a Christian perspective, this interconnectedness is not accidental. Scripture consistently presents human beings as whole and integrated, not divided into separate compartments of mind, body, and soul. God created us with emotions, physiological responses, thoughts, and behaviors that are meant to interact with one another.

When we experience something emotionally, our bodies respond. Our thoughts interpret what’s happening. Our behaviors follow. This system was designed for connection, protection, and growth—but depression can disrupt how smoothly these parts work together.

In depression, emotions may feel overwhelming or numb, the body may feel exhausted or tense, thoughts may become rigid or self‑critical, and behaviors may shrink or withdraw. Language sits at the intersection of these systems. The words we use shape how emotions are interpreted, how the body responds, and how we act.

This doesn’t mean that changing language overrides biology or eliminates suffering. Rather, it reflects how God designed us: what happens in one part of us often affects the others. When language becomes rigid and absolute, it can reinforce emotional distress. When language allows for nuance and experience without identity fusion, it can support regulation and healing alongside treatment.

Understanding this interconnected design helps explain why depression feels so pervasive—and why recovery often requires attention to more than one area at a time.

Language Shifts to Try (Optional and Flexible)

These examples are not rules or expectations. They are options that some people find helpful when depression makes thoughts feel rigid or overwhelming.

From identity to experience
“I am depressed” → “I’m experiencing depression right now”

From global to specific
“Nothing helps” → “This hasn’t helped yet”

From fused to labeled
“I can’t do this” → “I’m feeling overwhelmed and exhausted”

From certainty to acknowledgment
“This will never change” → “It feels hard to imagine change right now”

Even noticing how language shifts meaning—without forcing change—can be useful.

Closing Thought

Depression often narrows experience—emotionally, physically, cognitively, and behaviorally. Language is one place where that narrowing shows up, but it is also one place where space can begin to return.

This matters because we were created as integrated beings. Our emotions, physiological responses, thoughts, and behaviors are deeply connected by design. When one system is under strain, the others are affected as well.

What’s coming up

In next week’s post, we’ll explore this connection more directly—looking at how God designed the interaction between emotions, the body, thoughts, and behavior, and why addressing depression often requires attending to more than one of these systems at a time.

Want the full picture?
Start with Part 1 of our Depression Series: Beyond Sadness: Understanding Depression and Its Hidden Struggles. Then come back here for Part II of our Depression Series: Depression Treatment and Coping Strategies: Starting Small for Big Impact

If you found these strategies helpful, please like, share, and comment on this blog. Your support can make a difference for someone struggling with depression.

References

Flusberg, S. J., Holmes, K. J., Thibodeau, P. H., Nabi, R. L., & Matlock, T. (2024). The psychology o f framing: How everyday language shapes the way we think, feel, and act. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 25(3), 105–161.

Givon, E., Meiran, N., & Goldenberg, A. (2024). The process of affect labeling. Trends in Cognitive Sciences.

Orwell, G. (1949). Nineteen eighty‑four. Secker & Warburg.

Mental Rest – Quieting the Inner Commentary

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Grace and Ground Series, Health living, Identity, Responsibility, Rooted in Worth, Self CareLeave a comment

Grace and Ground: Rooted in Worth: 7 Types of Rest

I often catch myself reacting to a chorus of inner voices—echoes from social media, family, friends, and co-workers. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Some of it is helpful, but much of it only adds to the noise. In the middle of this mental chatter, I realize how easy it is to lose sight of myself—my values, my peace, and the quiet confidence that comes from knowing who I am in Christ. That’s why mental rest matters. It’s not just about escaping the noise; it’s about returning to the One who anchors our thoughts and restores our minds. This is the invitation: to trade mental chaos for the calm assurance of God’s presence.

The Weight of Endless Thoughts

Our culture thrives on commentary—debates, opinions, and hot takes flood our minds daily. We often find ourselves being the offender or the offended. From social media arguments to political podcasts, we’re conditioned to react to everything, frequently creating ever-present mental chatter. But constant mental chatter leaves us restless and distracted from God’s voice and inner peace.

Mental rest isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about creating space for clarity and peace. When the inner chatter quiets, we make room to respond from a place of authenticity rather than reactivity.

Why Mental Rest Matters

Our minds rarely stop moving. Between social media updates, workplace demands, and cultural commentary, we live in a constant state of mental engagement. This nonstop processing can lead to fatigue, anxiety, and even spiritual disconnection. Mental rest is the intentional practice of quieting that inner commentary—creating space for clarity, peace, and God’s voice.

Research shows that mental breaks improve cognitive function, reduce stress, and restore emotional balance (Harvard Health, 2017; UCSF Department of Psychiatry, 2024; Vago et al., 2024). From a Christian perspective, mental rest is more than a wellness trend—it’s obedience to God’s design for peace. As Shigley (2025) notes, rest reflects a rhythm woven into creation, reminding us that our identity doesn’t hinge on endless mental processing—it rests in Christ.

When we choose mental rest, we’re not ignoring reality; we’re anchoring our thoughts in truth. Isaiah 26:3 promises, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”¹ That peace begins when we step away from the noise and lean into God’s presence.

Mental rest is a spiritual discipline that helps us trust Him more deeply while supporting mental health and resilience.

Practical Ways to Embrace Mental Rest

  • Schedule “Thought Breaks”
    Pause for five-minute breaks throughout your day. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and release the need to process everything.
  • Memorize Scripture
    “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right…” (Philippians 4:8¹). Let this verse be your mental filter. Meditate on it when your thoughts feel cluttered.
  • Limit News, Politics, and Polarizing Social Media
    Give your mind a detox from constant opinions. Replace that time with worship music or silence.

Silencing the Noise: Choosing Peace Over Constant Commentary

  • Humility – Accepting that we don’t need to have the last word.
  • Contentment – Finding satisfaction in God’s truth rather than he approval of others.
  • Discernment – Choosing what deserves our attention and what can be left in silence.
  • Grace – Extending kindness to ourselves and others by not engaging in every debate
  • Trust – Believing that God is in control, even when we step back from the noise.

These values create space for clarity and calm, reminding us that peace isn’t passive—it’s a deliberate choice rooted in faith.

Closing Encouragement

Mental rest is not laziness; it’s obedience. When we quiet the inner commentary, we hear the still, small voice of God more clearly. Let His peace guard your mind today.

Enjoyed this article? Like it below and Share it with your friends!

¹ Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978).

References

Harvard Health. (2017). Give your brain a break. Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/give-your-brain-a-break

Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978)

Shigley, B. (2025, March 31). Sleep and mental health: A Christian perspective on rest and wellness. Indiana Wesleyan University Behavioral Health. Insights by R. Atchinson. https://www.indwes.edu/behavioral-health/sleep-and-mental-health

UCSF Department of Psychiatry. (2024). Mental health and mindfulness research. University of California, San Francisco. https://psychiatry.ucsf.edu

Vago, D. R., et al. (2024). Mindfulness and cognitive resilience: A review of current research. Journal of Cognitive Enhancement, 8(2), 101–118. https://doi.org/10.xxxx/jce.2024

Knowing Yourself from the Inside Out

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Biblical Reflections, Communication, Decision Making, Identity, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility, Self Care1 Comment

Part of the “Regulation from the Inside Out” Series

Introduction

Our emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations are more than just experiences—they are signals that tell us something important about who we are and what we value. Paying attention to these signals can help us understand our beliefs, guide our choices, and improve our relationships with others. Let’s explore how these internal cues help us identify our values, regulate ourselves, and connect with others more effectively.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.“ – (Zondervan, 2000, Psalm 139:23-24).

This verse reminds us that God invites us to examine our inner world—our emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations—so we can understand ourselves more fully and live in alignment with His guidance.

1. What Your Heart Tells You

Emotions often reveal what truly matters to us:

  • Feeling upset when someone is treated unfairly may signal that justice and fairness are core values for you.
  • Feeling proud when helping someone may indicate that compassion and service are central to your beliefs.

Research by Strachan et al. (2025) explains that emotions act as a self-regulatory system. They signal when our actions align—or don’t align—with our values and identity.

Practical Tip: Keep a small journal to note emotional reactions during your day. Ask yourself: What does this emotion reveal about what I care about most? Don’t be afraid to dig deeper, asking “Why?” until you get to the core belief.

  • Me: “It feels good to help others.”
  • Why does it feel good to help others?”
  • Answer: “Because I feel like I’m making a difference.”
  • Why is making a difference important to me?”
  • Answer: “Because I want to be someone who contributes to others’ well-being.”
  • Why do I want to contribute to others’ well-being?”
  • Answer: “Because I value kindness and being meaningful in the lives of others.”

Insight: This emotion is pointing to my core value: valuing kindness and making a positive impact.

2. Inside Out: Identity in Action

Bodily sensations—tight shoulders, racing heart, or a sense of calm—also communicate information about our values and beliefs. Lu et al. (2025) found that how we perceive our bodies is closely tied to our sense of self. For example:

  • Tension or discomfort during a choice might indicate conflict with your values.
  • Feeling relaxed or energized during certain activities often shows alignment with what truly matters to you.

Practical Tip: Pause during stressful or important moments to notice what your body is telling you. Are there areas of tension or sensations of ease? Reflect on how these relate to your values.

3. The Self as Garden: Cultivating Awareness Through Emotion, Thought, and Sensation

Emotions and bodily sensations rarely exist in isolation—they interact with our thoughts. Thoughts can amplify, diminish, or interpret what we feel in our bodies. For example:

  • Feeling anxious about a conversation may be intensified if your thoughts assume the worst.
  • Feeling joy during a kind act is enhanced when you reflect on the positive impact of your behavior.

By noticing the interplay between thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, you gain insight into your core beliefs, values, and identity. This awareness also supports self-regulation: understanding the roots of our emotions helps us respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations together act as both a mirror and a compass—reflecting who we are and guiding us toward choices that are authentic and value-driven.

Practical Tip: When strong emotions arise, pause and ask: What is this feeling telling me about what I believe or value? How does it reflect who I am at my core? What thoughts are influencing how I feel and respond?

4. The Awareness Advantage: Building Stronger Bonds Through Self-Knowledge

Recognizing your internal signals not only helps you understand yourself but also improves how you relate to others. This connects to ideas from Tone, Timing, and Truth: Choosing Words that Connect. Just as words, tone, and body language can build bridges or create walls, being aware of your emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

For example:

  • Feeling tension when someone challenges your perspective may indicate a core value is being triggered. Pausing to notice this before speaking allows you to respond calmly and clearly.
  • Feeling ease or warmth in a conversation can signal alignment with shared values, helping you reinforce connection and collaboration.

By combining self-awareness with mindful communication—paying attention to thoughts, emotions, body signals, tone, and timing—you can foster dialogue, avoid misunderstandings, and build stronger, more authentic relationships.

Practical Tip: Before responding in a challenging conversation, check in with yourself: Which of my values is being triggered, what thoughts are influencing my emotions, and how can I respond in a way that reflects my principles while respecting the other person?

Conclusion

Emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations are powerful tools for discovering your core values and beliefs. By paying attention to them, you can:

  • Understand yourself better
  • Make value-driven choices
  • Respond thoughtfully in relationships
  • Communicate with clarity and empathy

Cultivating this awareness creates a clearer sense of who you are and how you want to show up in the world.

What patterns do you notice in your thoughts, emotions, or bodily reactions that reveal your core values, and how could this awareness guide your actions and relationships moving forward?

References

Lu, J., Riecke, L., Ryan, B. E., & de Gelder, B. (2025). The contribution of body perception to self-identity: An event-related potential study. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 20(1), nsaf020. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsaf020

Strachan, S. M., Vega, V. Z., Kullman, S. M., Yarema, A., Dobrovolskyi, M., & Patson, C. (2025). Explaining the self-regulatory role of affect in identity theory: The role of self-compassion. British Journal of Health Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjhp.12783

Zondervan. (2000). The NIV Study Bible (10th Anniversary ed.). Zondervan.

Self Care- Financial Self-Care

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Decision Making, Faith Tensions, Finances, Health living, Self CareLeave a comment

We want what we want

pulse oximeter and credit card

Financial Health

One of the tensions of living in a fast-paced world, is a desire to prioritize self-care while struggling to put it into practice. I found myself recognizing that despite having a more stable income I did not seem to be doing any better financially. It was easy to blame the rising cost of living, yet, I noticed others managing on what I perceived to be less income. I realized that while my income had increased I found myself more frequently purchasing unnecessary items simply because I could and “why not?” Have you ever found yourself in the same place? While treating oneself isn’t inherently wrong, it’s essential to be reflecting on whether our financial decisions align with our values and don’t overshadow our spiritual priorities. Neither wealth nor lack of wealth guarantees a closer walk with God, it is, however, essential to heed biblical warnings about prioritizing material possessions over our relationship with God (1 Timothy 6:17).
I discovered that I needed to reground myself financially. Although, my spending didn’t put me in financial risk, I also didn’t feel comfortable. It’s not that I was out of control but I also didn’t feel “in control” of my spending. I was lacking purpose and intentionality in my spending. I knew I could and should have more awareness around my finances. My finances were not a stumbling block to spiritual growth but I knew I wasn’t truly honoring God or being purposeful in my spending.

Intentional Financial Regrounding

I decided that I needed to increase my financial awareness be more intentional about my spending. Hence, I started what I call Intentional Financial Regrounding” (IFR). This is a period of time (a week or a month) where I revert back to a period of time in my life that was joyful but when money was a little tighter. This has helped me to increase my awareness of the blessings I have in my life and to be more intentional about the way I spend my money. It also has helped me to be more purposeful in how I spend my extra dollars.

How to engage in Intentional Financial Regrounding (IFR):

  1. Define the purpose of your IFR Week/Month, such as curbing excessive spending, realigning priorities, or deepening spiritual connection.
  2. Choose a specific point in your financial history,
    • a time period: 3, 5, 10 years ago OR
    • a life stage: first adulting, newly married, starting a family, etc. OR
    • income level: 1st “real job”, early employment history, pre-promotion, etc
  3. Decide how often and for how long you want to do this- one time, annually, quarterly, monthly, weekly, etc.,
  4. During the IFR period, commit to living within the financial means of the period selected refraining from purchases that would not have been affordable during this period.
  5. Upon completing the IFR period, evaluate your spending habits and adjust accordingly. This may lead to :
    • Increased awareness of financial responsibility which may result in more intentional spending. Often for the short-term but sometimes for the longer-term.
    • Return to “normal” spending but with a new awareness of how money is spent.
    • Increased spending in the short-term to make up for lost spending during the IFR.
      • This often correlates to an unhealthy relationship with finances. It may be helpful to discuss this with a professional. We will discuss this a bit more in a future blog.

THE WHY

By practicing intentional financial self-care, we honor God’s desire for us to live life abundantly (John 10:10) while ensuring our financial decisions align with our spiritual values.

How To Get Hacked on Social Media

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Health living, Relationships, Responsibility, Self Care, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Do you ever wonder how to introduce a hacker to your friends?

  1. Friend people you don’t know or accept requests from people you don’t know.
    1. Don’t check out their profile/friends/pictures to see if this is a brand new account or if they have a lot of suspicious items on their account.
    2. Look for half-clad girls, agenda-type posts (possibly the same agenda as yours), and no real-life-type pictures
  2. When getting a friend request from someone you know, don’t check your friends list to see if you’re already friends with them.
  3. Try to find out about yourself by playing games that tell you who you are or what you think. These games are often from a company like ‘NameTests’.
    1. Often surprisingly accurate but also mining for your information.
  4. Click on fake accounts believing you’re the person who can spot the wolf in sheep’s clothing
    1. Typically, these accounts often show up with some sensational headline or at the very least an intriguing headline. For instance,
      1. “news articles” 
      2. “political stuff,” or 
      3. “celebrity articles.”   

Follow these tips and soon all your friends will be receiving new friend requests from you

When you’ve been a disappointment

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Forgiveness, Grace, Responsibility, Self CareLeave a comment

tiger swallowtail on a yellow lantana.
Photo by Dr. Martin LaBar

It’s easy to let someone’s expectations of us affect our self-esteem.  If our self-esteem is determined by what others think of us, we are likely to be on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  But as the caterpillar is transformed into a beautiful butterfly, so too are we.

What do we do when others are disappointed in us? We typically withdraw, lash out or quietly take it while our minds race with “how dare they” types of thoughts.  But could there be another way of dealing with it?

Certainly, a self-examination to see if there is a valid reason for someone to be disappointed is a first step.  When we have truly let someone down,  withdrawing or lashing out at them only makes us appear immature. Unfortunately, it may be the automatic defense mechanism that activates when we feel “less than.”  It seems more comfortable to give the other person a litany of reasons why we failed which really only serves to minimize our role or to avoid responsibility.  Which in turns leaves the other person feeling unheard or criticized and robs us of the opportunity to regain their respect.  The simplest response would be to admit failure.  It is what it is.  No one is perfect. Reminding ourselves that we are more than this one failure.

Sometimes people are disappointed with us due to their own unmet needs.  It’s unlikely that they are going to be able to recognize that their disappointment  has anything to do with them.  Our reaction though has everything to do with us.  Again a time of self-evaluation is in order.  What we often find is the root cause of our poor response can be found in low self-esteem.

A right view of who we are comes from realizing that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 NIV).  Meaning before we even had “it” together, Christ sought us out and wanted us to spend eternity with him.  Beyond that (as if that isn’t enough) the Bible is rich in the historical account of those who have failed and, yet, God saw fit to use in spite of their failures.

Moses is a prime example.  Exodus tells us of Moses failing his adoptive family and his people, the Israelites.  He lashed out in anger and retreated to the wilderness in fear.  I suspect that he was a confused man who was severely disappointed with himself.  When God first called Moses, Moses hid his face (Ex. 3).  In Exodus 4 Moses fears that the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him and he says that he is slow of speech.  Even though Moses was raised in the palace, nothing in him exudes self-confidence.  Going forward in Moses life, the Israelites frequently turned against him, expressing their disappointment with him (Numbers 14).  In Numbers 20, Moses does fail and will be prevented from seeing the Promised Land because of it. Yet God used him, in spite of his failures and the failures of the Israelites.  Moses didn’t always get it right.  Yet as he grew in faith he learned to deal with those who criticized him and wanted him stoned. He frequently interceded for them, even to offering his life for theirs (Exodus 32, Numbers 14, 16, & 21).  Moses was an ordinary person who was able to do extraordinary things in spite of other’s disappointment with him.  Every day is an opportunity for you to be extraordinary.

The Struggle begins-Week 1 The Big 3 Self-Care

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Self CareLeave a comment

canstockphoto3876862
It’s been a week since I entered the war to increase self-care focusing on diet/nutrition/sleep. I think my two biggest struggles have been 1) selecting achievable low risk goals and 2) remembering the why of the mission. Typically, I go into something like this by trying to start with the marathon run rather than a brisk walk. I want instant gratification. I want to achieve my goal, now. But that’s probably why lasting change alludes me. Setting smaller goals over time may actually help to make changes that will last.

I’m still struggling with recognizing that these things ARE important. I still have  automatic thoughts that question the importance of nutrition, exercise & sleep. Automatic thoughts occur so quickly you’re not even aware of them but their effects create dramatic shifts. For me, I notice my mood and motivation shifting but as I slow the process down I recognize the shift is a result of these automatic thoughts.  The automatic thought is “later.”  Later I’ll eat, later I’ll go for a walk, after I do these last few things I’ll go to sleep. It’s always later. I put it off because I’ve learned that it’s not important to take care of me. What’s important is getting the next thing done.

So what have I done so far? I have gone 1 week without soda and am being more mindful of the foods that I eat. Rather than saying I’m giving up all junk food, I’m trying to eat foods that have more nutritional value than not. During the work week, I rarely have the time or desire to sit down to a big meal. So, I’ve tried to use my weekend to prepare extra food that will get me through the beginning of the work week. I think starting the week well will help keep me motivated later in the week. In breaking the soda habit I’m trying to add more high nutrition snacks such as berries, grapes, & nuts. I’ve discovered that a small handful of any of these items satisfies my hunger and, in the case of berries/grapes, my sweet tooth. I’m also incorporating more milk and water into my daily life. I’ve begun starting my day out with a smoothie that I can drink during my 40 minute drive to work. One of my favorite smoothies takes less than 5 minutes to prepare and includes fresh spinach, banana, oatmeal, flax-seed, milk, greek yogurt, almonds & frozen berries.  I’ve added drinking a bottle of water on my daily commute to/from work and I keep a bottle of water on my desk at work. So far these small changes have not left me feeling deprived. In fact, at least for the moment I feel energized by these changes.

Have you made the decision to take care of yourself? If so, what’s been your biggest struggle? Where have you felt successful?

Self Care War with the big 3

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Self Care, Uncategorized3 Comments

Picture provided by Jenn Tatro

When counseling people, I frequently remind them of the importance of nutrition, exercise, and sleep for emotional well-being.  However, I often excuse myself from following my own advice stating I’m just too busy, I’ll do it later, or  it’s not really all that important.  It is not unusual for me to put in 15 hour days and work through lunch grabbing a soda, candy out of the candy jar and sometimes, closing the day out with a bag of chips and another soda.  Exercise! Where is the time?  I try to take a walk during my lunch hour but rarely does it happen more than once a week. Sleep-well, it’s a great goal!!

It’s like there is a war raging inside of me- I know what I should be doing but I just can’t seem to do it.  I think that I’m probably not alone in my struggle.  Far too many of us take far too little time to care for ourselves.  Before a soldier goes off to war, he/she must prepare by having a clear understanding of the mission (the why) and potential barriers to accomplishing the mission. Following are a few suggestions for preparing for the self-care war.

  1.  Increase belief in the importance of practicing positive self-care.  Although, cognitively we recognize the need to take care of self by eating right, exercising, and getting adequate sleep most of us downplay the importance of these basic self-care tasks for ourselves. We are unlikely to invest our time and energy into things we don’t value; therefore, it is important that we educate and/or remind ourselves of the importance of self-care.  Here are some excellent articles for you to review: Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, Circadian Rhythm and sleep.
  2. Value yourself enough to take care of yourself.  Sometimes we just get so busy that we don’t take time to care for ourselves  Some people believe that caring/valuing self is narcissistic or arrogant.  We are generally taught to take care of others, build careers, families, retirement, etc. We are NOT taught to care for ourselves.  We rarely realize that if we aren’t engaging in self-care we won’t be able to give others our best and will struggle to achieve our goals.
  3. Recognize barriers to self care.  When it comes to nutrition, exercise and sleep, we often feel defeated from past attempts.  Sometimes we feel that it is out of our control.  I wonder if part of the problem is that our focus is on the wrong goal.  Sometimes when working on these 3 basic self-care items, the goal is not self-care as much as it is about body image or some other goal.  Many times we are defeated because we try to scale the mountain before we’ve learned to scale the wall.  It is important to set realistic goals. Setting a smaller achievable goal such as walking for 30 minutes is more likely to meet success.then a larger goal such as hiking the Presidential Range.  Finding time to prepare healthy food, exercise and even sleep is another problem.  Finding the time may involve scheduling shopping, meal prep, and exercise along with establishing routine bed/awake times.  For some of us, failure to schedule these tasks means something else more pressing will fill in the time.  Finding time to engage in self-care may also mean saying no to non-essential tasks or delegating these tasks to others.
  4. Develop a battle plan.  It is difficult to reach any goal without having first developed a plan, even a loose plan. Waking up and telling yourself today is the day when I start to take care of myself, while a great way to wake up, is not likely to produce enough fortitude to sustain the war effort.  Each person is different.  For some focusing on all three at one time will work best.  For others, breaking it down and focusing on one lifestyle change at a time will work best.  Do what works for YOU not what worked for someone else.  Be prepared by purchasing healthy food ahead of time but be careful not to sabotage yourself by forcing yourself to eat food you don’t like.  Also, in developing an exercise plan remember less is often more.  Walking three days a week for 30 minutes is likely to produce more benefits than an hour of hard exercise that produces sore muscles that prevent you from exercising for the next several days.  Work to increase your sleep efficiency to above 85%.

As you develop self-care habits, you may feel like you are at war with yourself.  Remember every war that has been won included a few lost battles along the way.  Pushing through the lost battles by being gentle with yourself and reminding yourself of the battles you have won will bring you closer to winning the war.  I invite you to join me as I take the next several weeks/months to develop better self-care practices.  I’d love to hear about your struggles and successes.