Category: Responsibility

Mental Rest – Quieting the Inner Commentary

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Grace and Ground Series, Health living, Identity, Responsibility, Rooted in Worth, Self CareLeave a comment

Grace and Ground: Rooted in Worth: 7 Types of Rest

I often catch myself reacting to a chorus of inner voices—echoes from social media, family, friends, and co-workers. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Some of it is helpful, but much of it only adds to the noise. In the middle of this mental chatter, I realize how easy it is to lose sight of myself—my values, my peace, and the quiet confidence that comes from knowing who I am in Christ. That’s why mental rest matters. It’s not just about escaping the noise; it’s about returning to the One who anchors our thoughts and restores our minds. This is the invitation: to trade mental chaos for the calm assurance of God’s presence.

The Weight of Endless Thoughts

Our culture thrives on commentary—debates, opinions, and hot takes flood our minds daily. We often find ourselves being the offender or the offended. From social media arguments to political podcasts, we’re conditioned to react to everything, frequently creating ever-present mental chatter. But constant mental chatter leaves us restless and distracted from God’s voice and inner peace.

Mental rest isn’t about ignoring reality; it’s about creating space for clarity and peace. When the inner chatter quiets, we make room to respond from a place of authenticity rather than reactivity.

Why Mental Rest Matters

Our minds rarely stop moving. Between social media updates, workplace demands, and cultural commentary, we live in a constant state of mental engagement. This nonstop processing can lead to fatigue, anxiety, and even spiritual disconnection. Mental rest is the intentional practice of quieting that inner commentary—creating space for clarity, peace, and God’s voice.

Research shows that mental breaks improve cognitive function, reduce stress, and restore emotional balance (Harvard Health, 2017; UCSF Department of Psychiatry, 2024; Vago et al., 2024). From a Christian perspective, mental rest is more than a wellness trend—it’s obedience to God’s design for peace. As Shigley (2025) notes, rest reflects a rhythm woven into creation, reminding us that our identity doesn’t hinge on endless mental processing—it rests in Christ.

When we choose mental rest, we’re not ignoring reality; we’re anchoring our thoughts in truth. Isaiah 26:3 promises, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”¹ That peace begins when we step away from the noise and lean into God’s presence.

Mental rest is a spiritual discipline that helps us trust Him more deeply while supporting mental health and resilience.

Practical Ways to Embrace Mental Rest

  • Schedule “Thought Breaks”
    Pause for five-minute breaks throughout your day. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and release the need to process everything.
  • Memorize Scripture
    “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right…” (Philippians 4:8¹). Let this verse be your mental filter. Meditate on it when your thoughts feel cluttered.
  • Limit News, Politics, and Polarizing Social Media
    Give your mind a detox from constant opinions. Replace that time with worship music or silence.

Silencing the Noise: Choosing Peace Over Constant Commentary

  • Humility – Accepting that we don’t need to have the last word.
  • Contentment – Finding satisfaction in God’s truth rather than he approval of others.
  • Discernment – Choosing what deserves our attention and what can be left in silence.
  • Grace – Extending kindness to ourselves and others by not engaging in every debate
  • Trust – Believing that God is in control, even when we step back from the noise.

These values create space for clarity and calm, reminding us that peace isn’t passive—it’s a deliberate choice rooted in faith.

Closing Encouragement

Mental rest is not laziness; it’s obedience. When we quiet the inner commentary, we hear the still, small voice of God more clearly. Let His peace guard your mind today.

Enjoyed this article? Like it below and Share it with your friends!

¹ Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978).

References

Harvard Health. (2017). Give your brain a break. Harvard Health Publishing. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/give-your-brain-a-break

Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). NIV 10th Anniversary edition. Zondervan. (Original work published 1978)

Shigley, B. (2025, March 31). Sleep and mental health: A Christian perspective on rest and wellness. Indiana Wesleyan University Behavioral Health. Insights by R. Atchinson. https://www.indwes.edu/behavioral-health/sleep-and-mental-health

UCSF Department of Psychiatry. (2024). Mental health and mindfulness research. University of California, San Francisco. https://psychiatry.ucsf.edu

Vago, D. R., et al. (2024). Mindfulness and cognitive resilience: A review of current research. Journal of Cognitive Enhancement, 8(2), 101–118. https://doi.org/10.xxxx/jce.2024

Knowing Yourself from the Inside Out

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Biblical Reflections, Communication, Decision Making, Identity, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility, Self Care1 Comment

Part of the “Regulation from the Inside Out” Series

Introduction

Our emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations are more than just experiences—they are signals that tell us something important about who we are and what we value. Paying attention to these signals can help us understand our beliefs, guide our choices, and improve our relationships with others. Let’s explore how these internal cues help us identify our values, regulate ourselves, and connect with others more effectively.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.“ – (Zondervan, 2000, Psalm 139:23-24).

This verse reminds us that God invites us to examine our inner world—our emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations—so we can understand ourselves more fully and live in alignment with His guidance.

1. What Your Heart Tells You

Emotions often reveal what truly matters to us:

  • Feeling upset when someone is treated unfairly may signal that justice and fairness are core values for you.
  • Feeling proud when helping someone may indicate that compassion and service are central to your beliefs.

Research by Strachan et al. (2025) explains that emotions act as a self-regulatory system. They signal when our actions align—or don’t align—with our values and identity.

Practical Tip: Keep a small journal to note emotional reactions during your day. Ask yourself: What does this emotion reveal about what I care about most? Don’t be afraid to dig deeper, asking “Why?” until you get to the core belief.

  • Me: “It feels good to help others.”
  • Why does it feel good to help others?”
  • Answer: “Because I feel like I’m making a difference.”
  • Why is making a difference important to me?”
  • Answer: “Because I want to be someone who contributes to others’ well-being.”
  • Why do I want to contribute to others’ well-being?”
  • Answer: “Because I value kindness and being meaningful in the lives of others.”

Insight: This emotion is pointing to my core value: valuing kindness and making a positive impact.

2. Inside Out: Identity in Action

Bodily sensations—tight shoulders, racing heart, or a sense of calm—also communicate information about our values and beliefs. Lu et al. (2025) found that how we perceive our bodies is closely tied to our sense of self. For example:

  • Tension or discomfort during a choice might indicate conflict with your values.
  • Feeling relaxed or energized during certain activities often shows alignment with what truly matters to you.

Practical Tip: Pause during stressful or important moments to notice what your body is telling you. Are there areas of tension or sensations of ease? Reflect on how these relate to your values.

3. The Self as Garden: Cultivating Awareness Through Emotion, Thought, and Sensation

Emotions and bodily sensations rarely exist in isolation—they interact with our thoughts. Thoughts can amplify, diminish, or interpret what we feel in our bodies. For example:

  • Feeling anxious about a conversation may be intensified if your thoughts assume the worst.
  • Feeling joy during a kind act is enhanced when you reflect on the positive impact of your behavior.

By noticing the interplay between thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, you gain insight into your core beliefs, values, and identity. This awareness also supports self-regulation: understanding the roots of our emotions helps us respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations together act as both a mirror and a compass—reflecting who we are and guiding us toward choices that are authentic and value-driven.

Practical Tip: When strong emotions arise, pause and ask: What is this feeling telling me about what I believe or value? How does it reflect who I am at my core? What thoughts are influencing how I feel and respond?

4. The Awareness Advantage: Building Stronger Bonds Through Self-Knowledge

Recognizing your internal signals not only helps you understand yourself but also improves how you relate to others. This connects to ideas from Tone, Timing, and Truth: Choosing Words that Connect. Just as words, tone, and body language can build bridges or create walls, being aware of your emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

For example:

  • Feeling tension when someone challenges your perspective may indicate a core value is being triggered. Pausing to notice this before speaking allows you to respond calmly and clearly.
  • Feeling ease or warmth in a conversation can signal alignment with shared values, helping you reinforce connection and collaboration.

By combining self-awareness with mindful communication—paying attention to thoughts, emotions, body signals, tone, and timing—you can foster dialogue, avoid misunderstandings, and build stronger, more authentic relationships.

Practical Tip: Before responding in a challenging conversation, check in with yourself: Which of my values is being triggered, what thoughts are influencing my emotions, and how can I respond in a way that reflects my principles while respecting the other person?

Conclusion

Emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations are powerful tools for discovering your core values and beliefs. By paying attention to them, you can:

  • Understand yourself better
  • Make value-driven choices
  • Respond thoughtfully in relationships
  • Communicate with clarity and empathy

Cultivating this awareness creates a clearer sense of who you are and how you want to show up in the world.

What patterns do you notice in your thoughts, emotions, or bodily reactions that reveal your core values, and how could this awareness guide your actions and relationships moving forward?

References

Lu, J., Riecke, L., Ryan, B. E., & de Gelder, B. (2025). The contribution of body perception to self-identity: An event-related potential study. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 20(1), nsaf020. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsaf020

Strachan, S. M., Vega, V. Z., Kullman, S. M., Yarema, A., Dobrovolskyi, M., & Patson, C. (2025). Explaining the self-regulatory role of affect in identity theory: The role of self-compassion. British Journal of Health Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjhp.12783

Zondervan. (2000). The NIV Study Bible (10th Anniversary ed.). Zondervan.

Tone, Timing, and Truth: Choosing Words That Connect

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn 1st Corinthians 10:23, balancing faith, Belonging, Communication, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, ResponsibilityLeave a comment

Part of the “Regulation from the Inside Out” Series

Recognizing and Reframing Divisive Language

Words are powerful. They can build bridges or create walls. Often, it’s not just what we say but how we say it that determines whether a conversation moves toward understanding or toward division. One of my oft-quoted statements when working with clients (and for myself) is timing and tone. What we say matters, but how and when we say it often matters more. By paying attention to the language patterns we use — and the ones we hear — we can create space for dialogue instead of conflict.

Communication research underscores this point. According to Mehrabian (1971), only about 7% of a message comes from the actual words used. Tone of voice carries about 38%, and body language about 55%. That means more than 90% of how a message is received depends on delivery. When our tone is sharp, dismissive, or superior, the words themselves often don’t even matter — the message is already lost.

Common Patterns That Divide

Here are some of the most common ways language creates “us vs. them” dynamics:

Us vs. Them Language

  • “Those people are ruining everything.”
  • “People like that are destroying this ______ (fill in the blank).”

Absolute or All-or-Nothing Statements

  • “If you don’t agree with ____(ideology), you’re part of the problem.”
  • “Everyone who thinks that way is ignorant.”

Blame-First Framing

  • “It’s your side’s fault that things are this way.”
  • Statements that start with you are often viewed as negative or attacking.

Dismissive or Belittling Phrases

  • “That’s just stupid.”
  • “That’s your guy.” (reducing someone to guilt by association).

Moral Superiority Claims

  • “We’re the only ones who really care about the truth.”
  • “I can’t understand how they can think that way.”

Loaded Labels

  • “Typical elitist thinking.”
  • “You sound like a conspiracy theorist.”

Exclusionary Ownership of Identity

  • “Real Americans don’t think like that.”
  • “No true Christian would think that.”

Fear-Based Predictions

  • “If people like you get your way, this country is finished.”
  • “If this continues, our whole way of life will be destroyed.”

These statements tend to shut down conversation and harden positions. They don’t just describe differences — they deepen divides.

Becoming Aware of These Patterns

The first step is noticing. A few cues that divisive language may be at play:

  • Extreme words like always, never, everyone, no one.
  • In-group/out-group framing such as people like you or those people.
  • Labels that oversimplify or demean.

It can also help to reflect after a conversation: Did my words invite dialogue, or did they put someone on the defensive? Paying attention to how people respond is one of the best indicators.

Recognizing When Not to Engage

Not every conversation is ready for reframing. Sometimes people use divisive language not to connect but simply to argue. A few cues that may signal this:

  • The person repeats the same point without responding to what you’ve said.
  • They only escalate in tone or volume rather than consider your perspective.
  • They dismiss any effort to find common ground.

In these moments, it’s often healthier to pause, disengage respectfully, or simply say, “I don’t think this is a helpful conversation right now.” Choosing not to engage isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom. It leaves the door open for dialogue later, when emotions may be calmer and openness greater.

How to Respond Differently

Shifting language doesn’t mean watering down convictions — it means expressing them in ways that invite conversation rather than close it off.

From “us vs. them” → to shared identity

  • Instead of: “Those people are ruining everything.”
  • Try: “I think we both care deeply about this issue, even if our approaches are different.”

From absolutes → to nuance

  • Instead of: “Everyone who thinks that is ignorant.”
  • Try: “I know people who see this differently, but they still share some of the same concerns.”

From blame → to ownership + curiosity

  • Instead of: “It’s your side’s fault.”
  • Try: “I think there are mistakes on both sides. What do you think could be done differently?”

From dismissal → to acknowledgment

  • Instead of: “That’s just stupid.”
  • Try: “That feels important to you — can you tell me more about why?”
  • Instead of: “That’s your leader.”
  • Try: “This person isn’t my hero, and I don’t agree with everything they’ve done. Leaders on both sides are flawed — I’m more interested in talking about the issues rather than defending a personality.”

From superiority → to humility

  • Instead of: “Real people would never think that.”
  • Try: “From my experience, I’ve come to see it this way — what has shaped your perspective?”

From loaded labels → to respectful curiosity

  • Instead of: “You sound like a conspiracy theorist.”
  • Try: “That’s a strong word. Can you explain what you mean by it?”

From exclusionary ownership of identity → to shared belonging

  • Instead of: “No true Christian would think that.”
  • Try: “People who share my faith (or identity) often see this in many different ways.”

From fear-based predictions → to hopeful possibilities

  • Instead of: “If this continues, our whole way of life will be destroyed.”
  • Try: “I hear your concern. What kind of future would you like to see, and how can we work toward that?”

These reframes aren’t just about choosing different words — they’re about changing the tone and even the body language that carries them. A calm voice, open posture, and humility in delivery make the words easier to receive.

Habits That Help

  • Pause before responding. Ask yourself: Am I escalating or bridging?
  • Practice reframing. Take a divisive phrase you hear and imagine a more constructive version.
  • Seek common ground first. Start with shared values, like fairness, safety, or hope.
  • Invite dialogue. Use questions such as “What experiences shaped your view?”

Final Thought

Divisive language is easy — it slips out when we’re frustrated, fearful, or defensive. But paying attention to our words gives us the chance to build connections rather than deepen divides. As Paul reminds us, “Everything is permissible — but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 10:23, Christian Standard Bible). The challenge isn’t just whether we can say something — it’s whether saying it will be helpful and healing.

References

Mehrabian, A. (1971). Silent messages. Wadsworth.

Holman Bible Publishers. (2017). Christian Standard Bible. Holman Bible Publishers. (Original work published 2017)

How To Get Hacked on Social Media

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Belonging, Health living, Relationships, Responsibility, Self Care, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Do you ever wonder how to introduce a hacker to your friends?

  1. Friend people you don’t know or accept requests from people you don’t know.
    1. Don’t check out their profile/friends/pictures to see if this is a brand new account or if they have a lot of suspicious items on their account.
    2. Look for half-clad girls, agenda-type posts (possibly the same agenda as yours), and no real-life-type pictures
  2. When getting a friend request from someone you know, don’t check your friends list to see if you’re already friends with them.
  3. Try to find out about yourself by playing games that tell you who you are or what you think. These games are often from a company like ‘NameTests’.
    1. Often surprisingly accurate but also mining for your information.
  4. Click on fake accounts believing you’re the person who can spot the wolf in sheep’s clothing
    1. Typically, these accounts often show up with some sensational headline or at the very least an intriguing headline. For instance,
      1. “news articles” 
      2. “political stuff,” or 
      3. “celebrity articles.”   

Follow these tips and soon all your friends will be receiving new friend requests from you

Blessings or Privileges

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Decision Making, Faith Tensions, Forgiveness, Grace, Relationships, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility, Uncategorized3 Comments

I am so blessed, definitely in a privileged kind of way. I don’t have to worry about being put in a position of having to do my job at the risk of taking someone’s life. I don’t have to contemplate the possibility of having to make a quick life or death decision that determines if someone goes home to hug their family or leaves in a body bag. I don’t have to wonder when I leave for work, if this is the last day that I will hug my family or wake up beside my partner.  I don’t have to wonder if today I’m going to be targeted because of the uniform, I put on. 

I believe that the vast majority of Law Enforcement Officers (LEO) are good people doing their jobs.  Men and women who have signed up for the job aware of the dangers and yet willing to accept the risks.  For most of these officers the rewards outweigh the risks.  What rewards? I suspect that most, if not all, LEOs have or develop a protective heart.  Meaning they are in the position because they value keeping loved ones safe and their heart calls them to do so on a societal scale.  Some of the officers with whom I have spoken personally report from their earliest memories they dreamed of being a police officer and putting the “bad guys” in jail. Not for the sake of putting the bad guys in jail as much as for keeping good people safe.  Other officers have described growing up in dysfunctional homes where they were often subjected to domestic violence situations often witnessing a parent (usually mom), siblings or other loved ones being beaten up by another parent, parental figure, sibling etc.  These officers grew up knowing how this felt and developed a desire to want to make it all stop.  Some officers grew up in safe environments and just have a desire to create safe spaces for others.  

Are there some in it for the money and benefits? Perhaps but I think there might be safer ways to make money or build a retirement. Perhaps in small relatively safe communities like the one I live there might be some of that. In these areas, well-paying jobs or opportunities to make a healthy living may well be limited making LE a viable “safe” option.  I believe even these young men and women develop an identify around the “job”.  This identity speaks to professionalism, pride in their societal role.  Are there some law enforcement officers who might have become disillusioned with the job or who might have let the authority they are vested with go to their head? Sure, human nature does that.  But I believe this is a very small percentage.  The overwhelming majority of LEOs are men and women who just want to go home to hug their families at night.  I wonder, if during this time, officers are experiencing a bit of what our Vietnam Vets experienced when they returned home?  A nation that was turning against them.  Is this what we are doing to our law enforcement officers?  

            I am so blessed, in a privileged kind of way- that I have never had to talk to my sons or daughters about the dangers of life due to skin color.  I have never left a job interview wondering if the color of my skin would determine whether I would get hired.  Upon being hired, I never had to defend myself against comments that I only got the job because of the color of my skin.  I have never had to worry about not being welcome in a community I choose to live because of the color of my skin.   I can look at the current news and decide to turn it off and go about my daily life as normal.  I can see the news and watch the videos of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Tamir Rice and think how horrific these incidents are never giving a thought that it could happen to me, my children or one of my loved ones. 

            Just as there are bad cops there are bad protesters. How do we navigate the tension between supporting our law enforcement and supporting those who have suffered historical trauma on a grand scale?  How do we answer those who say that the looters and rioters are not protesting their lived experiences?  I think of individuals that I have counseled who have experienced trauma and will have a melt-down weeks, months, or even years later that seemingly have nothing to do with the original trauma.  Yet, where else would such rage, such destructive behavior come?  Are some of the protesters manipulating the situation?  Yes, again that is human nature. However, I have to believe that most of the protesters are individuals who have lived in a system that has denied their voice. 

            So often we confuse Class Privilege with White Privilege.    First, we need to start with the word that triggers many of us: ‘privilege.”  Privilege is generally viewed as being given something for nothing, it’s unearned.  That is largely, true.  Class privilege is what most of us did NOT grow up with.  Class privilege is not having to worry about being able to afford a place to live, not having to worry about attending the university of my choice due to financial constraints, not having to worry about the ability to borrow money knowing that I have assets enough to back my requested loan at a very low interest.  Often times, if not always, class privilege is related to your family name.  It comes with the ability to do certain things without worry about financial restraints.  All races experience class privilege.  However, there are a disproportionate number of people of color who experience the upper levels of class privilege. We have to ask ourselves why!  

So, when white people hear the term “white privilege” they say, “I worked hard for everything I have. No one gave me anything,” the underlying unverbalized thought is “If I can do it so can they!” This doesn’t feel like “privilege” it feels like hard work.  White privilege does not mean that you haven’t experienced challenges.  It doesn’t mean that you haven’t worked hard for everything you have.  What it does mean, however, is that your fight is about the same as most peoples.  You are fighting on the same playing field with the same rules. 

Recognizing your white privilege does not mean that you are racist.  You might be but if you are able to recognize that life has handed you a different set of circumstances because of the color of your skin you might really not be racist.  It’s what you do with that knowledge that determines whether an individual is racist or not.  Refusing to acknowledge it, denying that it exists is an act of racism because it allows the system to continue even though it is unfair.  If you recognize white privilege but refuse to change the system because it benefits you it’s probably racism.  Refusing to recognize that being white is an advantage is white privilege.  White privilege although it involves current events is really more about the past and how the past has affected the present.  This short video may help to explain it:  

How does this play out in current national events?  There are systemic issues that have brought on the current conflict seemingly between law enforcement officers and protesters.  The real fight is not between individual members of either group but between POWER and powerlessness. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ( Eph. 6:12 NIV)  Do I wish police brutality didn’t exist?  A resounding YES! Do I wish that protests could all be peaceful demonstrations?  A resounding YES! The issue is not about individual law enforcement officers and individual protesters but about a system that sets up conflict.  I believe most of us will agree that law enforcement officers are simply trying to do the job they have been charged with which is to keep our cities and towns safe. But within this ONE job, they are expected to wear many hats: protecter, soldier, social worker, EMT, etc. Again, do I wish that it never resulted in police brutality?  YES!  By the same token, I, also, believe that most of the protesters are hard working, compassionate individuals simply trying to have their voices heard.  Again, do I wish that they would do so in peaceful demonstrations?  YES! However, how has that worked for them over the past 30 years? It is NOT an us against them situation!

My heart is heavy as I recognize my own privileged blessings and yet I feel guilty for all of these blessings.  Maybe that is because these privileged blessings are more about responsibility towards others rather than a gift from God.  When I typically think of being blessed by God, I think that it is a gift received without expectation for action.  However, Psalm 67: 1-2 states, “May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine on us—so, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations” (NIV).  If we are blessed or in this case privileged, I believe that God expects us to use these blessings to make his ways known on earth, his salvation among all nations.  It carries with it an opportunity to be the mind, heart, hands and feet of Christ to a broken world.  How do we answer those who rightly say that in my lifetime I have benefited from white privilege and I have been complacent?  Have I been complacent?  Has my complacency resulted in a system of racism?  I like to think that I have spoken out against such things, but have I done enough?  I think not, and yet I remain at a loss of knowing what more to do.  How do we live out Psalm 67?  It is not for the faint of heart.  

Partnering With God

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Grace, Partnership, Responsibility, Uncategorized1 Comment

canstockphoto13343079

Have you ever stopped to consider that YOU are a partner with Christ in establishing the Kingdom of God.

When I think of partnerships, two types come readily to my mind-business and marriage. A business partnership is formed in order to attain a known objective, such as providing a service to the public at a profit for the partners. A marriage partnership is two people with common interests and values joined together to help one another reach the full potential that God has designed for each of them to achieve and to reproduce and create a microcosm of the relationship we have in Christ. In both a business and marriage partnership it is joining of the resources of the partners involved to achieve a common goal.

In the same way, the concept of a spiritual partnership implies that it is created with godly objectives, glorifying God and working to build His Kingdom. Just as we are united in a relationship, so we are all united in a partnership formed to glorify God by completing His work.

From the very beginning God planned that his creation would work somewhat in a partnership with Him. God created man to be co-workers with Him. In Genesis 1:26 God said “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let THEM rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” Genesis 2:8, 15 says “Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

To say that we are equal partners with God would be wrong. Yet he invites us, even delegates work to us, to do kingdom work here on earth. Clearly, the partnership puts God in the dominant position, the Sr. partner, so to speak. Perhaps, similar to something like a partnership between Steve Jobs of Apple computers and a high school media specialist.

The story of Abraham in Genesis 18:16-33 illustrates God acting in partnership with his people. When God has determined to pass judgment over Sodom he states “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?” God begins, as if recognizing that a valid partnership requires consultation before any major decision. Next, God unveils a plan to destroy the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. He allows Abraham to know his plan and then allows Abraham to plead on their behalf. (Genesis 18:16-33).

In Philip Yancey’s book Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference he states that history is the story of God giving away power. After entrusting humans with the gift of free choice, God invited them to act as partners, even to argue and wrestle with the One who created them. Yet virtually everyone God picked to lead a new venture—Adam, Abraham, Moses, David—proved disappointing in part. Apparently God committed to work with human partners no matter how inept.

During his brief stay on earth, Jesus also demonstrated a partnership assembling a dozen flawed followers, to whom he handed over the keys of the kingdom of God. Think of the disciples, 12 ordinary men most were fishermen and one was a tax collector – Thomas was a skeptic whom many say had a bit of a gloomy personality and was easily discouraged; Peter was impulsive & strong willed; James & John nicknamed ‘Sons of Thunder’ had stormy personalities that were given to anger and quick judgments; Philip was slow to recognize Jesus; Matthew the tax collector likely had a poor reputation; Judas, was a betrayer.

These were men that exhibited weaknesses. They became afraid in a violent storm on the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 8:23-27). In Gethsemane they fell asleep when they had been asked to watch and pray (Matthew 26:40). They were indignant at Mary’s anointing Jesus with costly perfume (Matthew 26: 8). 
Like all of us, they suffered lapses of memory forgetting to bring food when crossing the Sea of Galilee
(Matthew 16: 5). 
Jesus rebuked the disciples for their unbelief when He was casting out demons
from a possessed child (Matthew 17: 15-20). On another occasion two of their number wanted to incinerate a town. (Luke 9:52-54)

With such flawed humans at the helm, it is hard to believe that the movement took off and the human partnership has not stopped since.

We are “God’s fellow workers,” the apostle Paul said (1 Cor. 3:9). We partner with God’s actions in the world. Paul states in 1 Cor. 1:9 “God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful.” The Greek word Koinonia is generally translated as fellowship but can also mean joint participation or partnership. It seems to make sense in this verse as partnership: “God who has called you into partnership with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord is faithful.” Let’s think about this for a minute: If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are in partnership with him – this means that all of your resources belong to him and all of his resources belong to you. He has a vested interest in you and your success. There is a mutual service. Christ not only knows about our weaknesses he is at work with us in our weakness to accomplish his goals.

The Bible speaks of Abraham and Moses as being friends of God, and of David as a man after God’s own heart. “You are my friends if you do what I command,” Jesus said, who then explained, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:5) Having shared the knowledge, Jesus now asks us to take up the partnership of God’s work on earth.

To summarize what true Christian fellowship is, relationship describes what we are, a community of people bound together by our common life that we share through our union with Christ. Partnership describes how we interact within that relationship—we are partners in a calling and an enterprise in which we are to work harmoniously with ashared purpose to achieve mutual objectives to glorify God and to do the work of Jesus Christ.

Do you think of yourself as Christ’s partner? Do you see yourself working with Christ to complete the good work he started? What difference does seeing yourself as a partner with Christ make in your daily life?

Unless otherwise noted all Bible verses are from the Holy Bible: New International Version (2011). Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan.

When you’ve been a disappointment

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Forgiveness, Grace, Responsibility, Self CareLeave a comment

tiger swallowtail on a yellow lantana.
Photo by Dr. Martin LaBar

It’s easy to let someone’s expectations of us affect our self-esteem.  If our self-esteem is determined by what others think of us, we are likely to be on a roller coaster ride of emotions.  But as the caterpillar is transformed into a beautiful butterfly, so too are we.

What do we do when others are disappointed in us? We typically withdraw, lash out or quietly take it while our minds race with “how dare they” types of thoughts.  But could there be another way of dealing with it?

Certainly, a self-examination to see if there is a valid reason for someone to be disappointed is a first step.  When we have truly let someone down,  withdrawing or lashing out at them only makes us appear immature. Unfortunately, it may be the automatic defense mechanism that activates when we feel “less than.”  It seems more comfortable to give the other person a litany of reasons why we failed which really only serves to minimize our role or to avoid responsibility.  Which in turns leaves the other person feeling unheard or criticized and robs us of the opportunity to regain their respect.  The simplest response would be to admit failure.  It is what it is.  No one is perfect. Reminding ourselves that we are more than this one failure.

Sometimes people are disappointed with us due to their own unmet needs.  It’s unlikely that they are going to be able to recognize that their disappointment  has anything to do with them.  Our reaction though has everything to do with us.  Again a time of self-evaluation is in order.  What we often find is the root cause of our poor response can be found in low self-esteem.

A right view of who we are comes from realizing that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 NIV).  Meaning before we even had “it” together, Christ sought us out and wanted us to spend eternity with him.  Beyond that (as if that isn’t enough) the Bible is rich in the historical account of those who have failed and, yet, God saw fit to use in spite of their failures.

Moses is a prime example.  Exodus tells us of Moses failing his adoptive family and his people, the Israelites.  He lashed out in anger and retreated to the wilderness in fear.  I suspect that he was a confused man who was severely disappointed with himself.  When God first called Moses, Moses hid his face (Ex. 3).  In Exodus 4 Moses fears that the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him and he says that he is slow of speech.  Even though Moses was raised in the palace, nothing in him exudes self-confidence.  Going forward in Moses life, the Israelites frequently turned against him, expressing their disappointment with him (Numbers 14).  In Numbers 20, Moses does fail and will be prevented from seeing the Promised Land because of it. Yet God used him, in spite of his failures and the failures of the Israelites.  Moses didn’t always get it right.  Yet as he grew in faith he learned to deal with those who criticized him and wanted him stoned. He frequently interceded for them, even to offering his life for theirs (Exodus 32, Numbers 14, 16, & 21).  Moses was an ordinary person who was able to do extraordinary things in spite of other’s disappointment with him.  Every day is an opportunity for you to be extraordinary.

The tension between faith and community

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn balancing faith, Grace, ResponsibilityLeave a comment

tree
Photo by Bentley McQuinn

Most of us really struggle with the tension between trying to stay true to our Christian values and living in community with the larger society.   We tend to either come off as hate mongers or people with no back bone.  Can there be a balance?  Where is the line in the sand? I must admit that this hit home for me a few weeks ago when during our weekly fellowship following church, someone came
up to me all upset and informed me that an older gentleman had told a younger gentleman
that he was going to hell!  I was flabbergasted!  It is also not uncommon for someone outside my church to tell me the “sins” of the people attending our church.  Or to hear from outsiders that the people attending our church are no better than they are as if that is suppose to shock me.  Is it really any different than what Jesus experienced??

First, to balance this tension it’s important to know what you believe.  Far too many people in the faith community think they understand their beliefs but yet far too few engage in group Bible Studies and tend to focus on one or two tenets of their faith. Going to church and listening to your pastor or the television preacher on Sunday morning  is not enough. Some have focused their learning and studying in isolation.  Meaning they may be very disciplined at church attendance or doing their own Bible Study but without the active participation in their own faith community they are often left with a one-sided view.  We tend to hear/read/study those things with which we agree.  What that means is that we are only looking for those things that support our beliefs.  Joining a Bible study group allows you the opportunity to hear from others and, if there is a good facilitator, allows the group to expand their understanding without falling victim to heresy or factions.  Hearing your pastor say the job of the Christian is to ‘spread the good news’ is interpreted differently for different people.  For some spreading the good news means to tell someone they are on the road to hell.  For others, it means accepting the sin with the person.  Whatever “spreading the good news” means to you is how you will interpret and act on what you hear.  As one of my Bible profs used to say “the pendulum swings truest when it swings in the middle.”

Belonging to a denomination is helpful.  Not that you must belong to a denomination to be saved but identifying with a denomination provides you with basic doctrinal statements that may help guide your understanding of Scripture. This isn’t blind following.  It’s increasing understanding through the reasoning powers that God gives.  Some people have turned their backs on organized religion saying that the leaders have failed or due to feeling restrained by these doctrinal statements.  Some even justify it by saying that Jesus wasn’t part of a denomination.  That is like saying the various political parties aren’t American.  They all started through one governmental system just as all Christian denominations started through Jesus (Malachi 2:10; John 17:21).  We are allowed the freedom to bring our different interpretations of doctrine but being part of a denomination helps to prevent truth decay by having scholars that with the help of the Holy Spirit search through the Scriptures to increase understanding. I don’t know about you but I know I need these scholars who have studied and prayed about the tenets of faith far more than I ever could.  When I don’t understand their point of view, I seek out “wise counsel” (Prov. 11:14, 12:15, 15:22, 28:26).  Going off on my own and taking a little from this sect or that sect only serves to produce a “me-ism” religion allowing for a lot of truth decay only exonerated through a painful root canal.

As Christians, we are called to “love one another” (John 13:34; 1 John 4:7, 12; Rom. 13:8; Isaiah 58) and to share our faith with one another (2 Cor. 9:13).  And this is likely where most of the tension comes in.  For all Christians who accept the challenge to share Christ with others the goal is to love one another.  How that plays out in day to day life though can look very different.  For some, loving one another can mean telling those we come in contact with that they are on a road to destruction.  For others, it means accepting the person with the sin.  Both sides feel they are right.  I fear, in our passion to be “true” to Christ, lines are being drawn within the Christian community causing division amongst brothers and sisters in Christ.  I cringe when I hear T.V. Christian personalities spewing hate in exchange for ratings.  I get angry with these “Christians” who have bought into the idea that the more hateful someone pronounces the “other side” the more God fearing these personalities are portrayed.  In our zealousness to prove our love for Him, we often push people away by exhibiting a judgmental attitude that is not in keeping with Christ’s attitude towards us.  For this group, it is often easier to accept grace than to give grace forgetting that they were once on the other-side. Statistics show that those who come to faith out of fear rarely remain in the faith .9/11 statistics).

The other side of the pendulum though is just as dangerous.  Sweeping sin under the carpet in “the name of Christ’s love” is just as wrong.  There is sin and we are accountable for living out that truth by sprinkling a little salt now and then (Col. 4:2-6; Matt 5:13, Titus 1:9).  To focus only on God’s love leads just as quickly to truth decay as focusing only on God’s judgement. I cringe just as much when I hear Christians down playing the truth of God’s judgement with an anything goes doctrine. I’ve also been on the receiving end of being told “well, if you’re a Christian you have to love someone regardless of their actions.”  Yes, I have to love them but I don’t have to allow myself to be their doormat.  Acting in love may simply mean that you don’t retaliate or cause them harm when the opportunity presents itself which in itself is a great lesson.  Living out our faith means loving everyone and sharing the truth of the gospel by helping them to see that God has another plan for their lives that will bring more purpose and fulfillment then anything they could ever imagine.

Balancing the tension between sharing our faith honestly and fully loving those who have a different belief system than we do is impossible without the help of the Holy Spirit.  Our part is to get rid of the “me” and tcanstockphoto8223372o allow more of Christ to come through.  I’ve come to recognize that, at least for me, if I am eager to confront someone with the “truth” then it probably has more to do with me then with Christ.  But if in the pit of my stomach I cringe from approaching someone with Christ’s truth it just might be Christ prompting me.  The opposite could also be true.   Examining ourselves with the following questions might help us to understand the why behind our actions:

  1.   Am I trying to earn my way to heaven by “winning souls”?
  2.   Am I trying to earn my way to heaven by my obedience/performance?
  3.   Am I trying to win favor by being accepted by a certain group (namely a  church leader/group of Christian friends)?
  4.   Am I trying to “cover a multitude of my sins” by converting another to Christ”

By recognizing that we don’t earn God’s favor by how we perform, what other’s think about us, or who we know, that we are freely given God’s love by accepting Christ’s death on the cross as our punishment for our sins will, hopefully, help us to balance the tension of sharing our faith in love.   Romans 1218 says “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”   Ecclesiastes 7:18  says “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.  Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.”  Pray that the tension between sharing your faith in grace and truth never goes away for if it does we are likely leaning too far one way or the other.

Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Grace, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility3 Comments

Life is hard.  For some it is harder than others.  We live in a time when it is easy to be judgmental of one another.  To look the other way when we see someone down and out or worse off than us.  To somehow feel that they have gotten what they deserve or perhaps to feel that we are more deserving and have somehow “earned” our status in life.  Unfortunately, being born with more intelligence, money, pleasing personality, talent, good looks, leadership ability, supports, connections, confidence, etc.,  doesn’t make you more deserving.  It makes you more responsible.  Jesus says in Luke 12:48 “But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.  From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

It’s a little easier to “hcanstockphoto28332325elp” someone who we feel is deserving of our help.  It’s quite another to help someone who we feel has put themselves in a bad situation.  The unwed single mother who should have known better. Rarely do we think the same of the man/men who helped her to get in the situation.  If asked, we’d probably say he is just as wrong but we don’t expect him to experience the same consequences that she does.  No, if he has any involvement with the children he fathered, he receives praise and pats on the back. Even the father  struggling to pay his child support doesn’t receive the same respect as the well-to-do man that never sees his kids but has a well paying job.  We often look down on the person who struggles to hold a job thinking s/he lazy or wanting a hand-out.  We don’t see the years of criticism that have worn this person’s self-confidence down or made them feel that they aren’t capable competent individuals.  What about the addict that can’t kick the addiction that quite possibly has its roots in an undiagnosed, unmedicated mental illness?  No, we often think that someone is deserving or not based on their financial security.  It may have nothing to do with whether they are a good person.

Yet, Jesus was very clear in the above scripture that we will be judged based on the measure to which we use what we have been endowed with.  With blessings comes responsibility!!  Isaiah 58 makes it even clearer when the prophet confronts the people for wanting to be noticed for their outward sacrifices (58:2-3 NIV).  Isaiah describes exactly what is expected of us:  ‘to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppresscanstockphoto28630942ed free and break every yoke? . . .  to share your food with the hungry and to provide the
poor wanderer with shelter, to clothe the naked. . . ‘(Isaiah 58: 6-7a NIV).  To be sure, doing any of these things does not make us deserving but rather our light shines only by what we are able to do for others.  Our healing comes by way of meeting the needs of others.

We are called to be a ‘Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings’ (Isaiah 58: 12).  Will you take up the challenge to be all of what you are called to be??