Month: August 2015

The Struggle Continues -Week 2 Self-Care the Big 3

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Health living, Self-CareLeave a comment

canstockphoto3876862So, during this past week the battle has been to push through cravings and to be satisfied with the small changes I’m making.  I have not felt deprived through the week and have actually been somewhat surprised that I have not missed soda.  However, Friday & Saturday I was feeling a little deprived.  Part of me has been feeling like having a soda would be “no big deal” and “I deserve to be able to have a soda.”  I’ve identified a trigger of eating snacks/pastries.  Which seems a little strange since I’m really not a big pastries person.  However, I think in the past, when I have eaten pastries, I washed it down with a soda.  It just seemed a natural go together.

Since for the most part during the week, it hasn’t felt like a big sacrifice to forgo soda and add healthier foods, I’ve felt I wasn’t doing enough.  Is there a feeling that I need to punish myself to succeed?  or is it that I feel it needs to be more difficult?  Old patterns of all or nothing seem to be competing with establishing new patterns of moving slower.  As I stated above, this weekend the cravings have increased but so far, I have been able to resist.  I wonder, if I had let the old patterns take over, if I would have given into the cravings by being overwhelmed with the task.

The war this week has been about maintaining and keeping to the small achievable goals as opposed to setting larger goals.  It’s been more difficult this week to sit with the cravings.  It’s also been difficult to be satisfied with setting smaller goals.  I frequently find myself saying that I’m not doing enough to make a real difference.  I have to constantly remind myself that this is only the beginning.

Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Grace, Repairer of Broken Walls, Responsibility3 Comments

Life is hard.  For some it is harder than others.  We live in a time when it is easy to be judgmental of one another.  To look the other way when we see someone down and out or worse off than us.  To somehow feel that they have gotten what they deserve or perhaps to feel that we are more deserving and have somehow “earned” our status in life.  Unfortunately, being born with more intelligence, money, pleasing personality, talent, good looks, leadership ability, supports, connections, confidence, etc.,  doesn’t make you more deserving.  It makes you more responsible.  Jesus says in Luke 12:48 “But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.  From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

It’s a little easier to “hcanstockphoto28332325elp” someone who we feel is deserving of our help.  It’s quite another to help someone who we feel has put themselves in a bad situation.  The unwed single mother who should have known better. Rarely do we think the same of the man/men who helped her to get in the situation.  If asked, we’d probably say he is just as wrong but we don’t expect him to experience the same consequences that she does.  No, if he has any involvement with the children he fathered, he receives praise and pats on the back. Even the father  struggling to pay his child support doesn’t receive the same respect as the well-to-do man that never sees his kids but has a well paying job.  We often look down on the person who struggles to hold a job thinking s/he lazy or wanting a hand-out.  We don’t see the years of criticism that have worn this person’s self-confidence down or made them feel that they aren’t capable competent individuals.  What about the addict that can’t kick the addiction that quite possibly has its roots in an undiagnosed, unmedicated mental illness?  No, we often think that someone is deserving or not based on their financial security.  It may have nothing to do with whether they are a good person.

Yet, Jesus was very clear in the above scripture that we will be judged based on the measure to which we use what we have been endowed with.  With blessings comes responsibility!!  Isaiah 58 makes it even clearer when the prophet confronts the people for wanting to be noticed for their outward sacrifices (58:2-3 NIV).  Isaiah describes exactly what is expected of us:  ‘to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppresscanstockphoto28630942ed free and break every yoke? . . .  to share your food with the hungry and to provide the
poor wanderer with shelter, to clothe the naked. . . ‘(Isaiah 58: 6-7a NIV).  To be sure, doing any of these things does not make us deserving but rather our light shines only by what we are able to do for others.  Our healing comes by way of meeting the needs of others.

We are called to be a ‘Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings’ (Isaiah 58: 12).  Will you take up the challenge to be all of what you are called to be??

The Struggle begins-Week 1 The Big 3 Self-Care

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Self CareLeave a comment

canstockphoto3876862
It’s been a week since I entered the war to increase self-care focusing on diet/nutrition/sleep. I think my two biggest struggles have been 1) selecting achievable low risk goals and 2) remembering the why of the mission. Typically, I go into something like this by trying to start with the marathon run rather than a brisk walk. I want instant gratification. I want to achieve my goal, now. But that’s probably why lasting change alludes me. Setting smaller goals over time may actually help to make changes that will last.

I’m still struggling with recognizing that these things ARE important. I still have  automatic thoughts that question the importance of nutrition, exercise & sleep. Automatic thoughts occur so quickly you’re not even aware of them but their effects create dramatic shifts. For me, I notice my mood and motivation shifting but as I slow the process down I recognize the shift is a result of these automatic thoughts.  The automatic thought is “later.”  Later I’ll eat, later I’ll go for a walk, after I do these last few things I’ll go to sleep. It’s always later. I put it off because I’ve learned that it’s not important to take care of me. What’s important is getting the next thing done.

So what have I done so far? I have gone 1 week without soda and am being more mindful of the foods that I eat. Rather than saying I’m giving up all junk food, I’m trying to eat foods that have more nutritional value than not. During the work week, I rarely have the time or desire to sit down to a big meal. So, I’ve tried to use my weekend to prepare extra food that will get me through the beginning of the work week. I think starting the week well will help keep me motivated later in the week. In breaking the soda habit I’m trying to add more high nutrition snacks such as berries, grapes, & nuts. I’ve discovered that a small handful of any of these items satisfies my hunger and, in the case of berries/grapes, my sweet tooth. I’m also incorporating more milk and water into my daily life. I’ve begun starting my day out with a smoothie that I can drink during my 40 minute drive to work. One of my favorite smoothies takes less than 5 minutes to prepare and includes fresh spinach, banana, oatmeal, flax-seed, milk, greek yogurt, almonds & frozen berries.  I’ve added drinking a bottle of water on my daily commute to/from work and I keep a bottle of water on my desk at work. So far these small changes have not left me feeling deprived. In fact, at least for the moment I feel energized by these changes.

Have you made the decision to take care of yourself? If so, what’s been your biggest struggle? Where have you felt successful?

Self Care War with the big 3

On By Broken Walls Crushed SidewalksIn Self Care, Uncategorized3 Comments
Picture provided by Jenn Tatro

When counseling people, I frequently remind them of the importance of nutrition, exercise, and sleep for emotional well-being.  However, I often excuse myself from following my own advice stating I’m just too busy, I’ll do it later, or  it’s not really all that important.  It is not unusual for me to put in 15 hour days and work through lunch grabbing a soda, candy out of the candy jar and sometimes, closing the day out with a bag of chips and another soda.  Exercise! Where is the time?  I try to take a walk during my lunch hour but rarely does it happen more than once a week. Sleep-well, it’s a great goal!!

It’s like there is a war raging inside of me- I know what I should be doing but I just can’t seem to do it.  I think that I’m probably not alone in my struggle.  Far too many of us take far too little time to care for ourselves.  Before a soldier goes off to war, he/she must prepare by having a clear understanding of the mission (the why) and potential barriers to accomplishing the mission. Following are a few suggestions for preparing for the self-care war.

  1.  Increase belief in the importance of practicing positive self-care.  Although, cognitively we recognize the need to take care of self by eating right, exercising, and getting adequate sleep most of us downplay the importance of these basic self-care tasks for ourselves. We are unlikely to invest our time and energy into things we don’t value; therefore, it is important that we educate and/or remind ourselves of the importance of self-care.  Here are some excellent articles for you to review: Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, Circadian Rhythm and sleep.
  2. Value yourself enough to take care of yourself.  Sometimes we just get so busy that we don’t take time to care for ourselves  Some people believe that caring/valuing self is narcissistic or arrogant.  We are generally taught to take care of others, build careers, families, retirement, etc. We are NOT taught to care for ourselves.  We rarely realize that if we aren’t engaging in self-care we won’t be able to give others our best and will struggle to achieve our goals.
  3. Recognize barriers to self care.  When it comes to nutrition, exercise and sleep, we often feel defeated from past attempts.  Sometimes we feel that it is out of our control.  I wonder if part of the problem is that our focus is on the wrong goal.  Sometimes when working on these 3 basic self-care items, the goal is not self-care as much as it is about body image or some other goal.  Many times we are defeated because we try to scale the mountain before we’ve learned to scale the wall.  It is important to set realistic goals. Setting a smaller achievable goal such as walking for 30 minutes is more likely to meet success.then a larger goal such as hiking the Presidential Range.  Finding time to prepare healthy food, exercise and even sleep is another problem.  Finding the time may involve scheduling shopping, meal prep, and exercise along with establishing routine bed/awake times.  For some of us, failure to schedule these tasks means something else more pressing will fill in the time.  Finding time to engage in self-care may also mean saying no to non-essential tasks or delegating these tasks to others.
  4. Develop a battle plan.  It is difficult to reach any goal without having first developed a plan, even a loose plan. Waking up and telling yourself today is the day when I start to take care of myself, while a great way to wake up, is not likely to produce enough fortitude to sustain the war effort.  Each person is different.  For some focusing on all three at one time will work best.  For others, breaking it down and focusing on one lifestyle change at a time will work best.  Do what works for YOU not what worked for someone else.  Be prepared by purchasing healthy food ahead of time but be careful not to sabotage yourself by forcing yourself to eat food you don’t like.  Also, in developing an exercise plan remember less is often more.  Walking three days a week for 30 minutes is likely to produce more benefits than an hour of hard exercise that produces sore muscles that prevent you from exercising for the next several days.  Work to increase your sleep efficiency to above 85%.

As you develop self-care habits, you may feel like you are at war with yourself.  Remember every war that has been won included a few lost battles along the way.  Pushing through the lost battles by being gentle with yourself and reminding yourself of the battles you have won will bring you closer to winning the war.  I invite you to join me as I take the next several weeks/months to develop better self-care practices.  I’d love to hear about your struggles and successes.