In Part 1, we saw Alex and Jordan start the same project with the same resources—but end up in very different places. Jordan finished. Alex didn’t. The difference wasn’t skill or time; it was mindset: agency and locus of control.
But here’s the deeper question: Where do those mindsets come from? They don’t appear out of thin air. They’re often written into our lives early on—through what psychologists call life scripts.
Life Scripts: The Messages We Grow Up With
From childhood, we absorb messages about our worth, capability, and control. These messages often come from caregivers and environments that shape how we see ourselves and the world.
- Script 1: “No matter what you do, it’s never good enough.”
- Common in homes marked by dysfunction or trauma.
- Children learn that effort doesn’t lead to approval, so why try?
- This erodes agency—the belief that actions matter—and fosters an external locus of control: “Others decide if I succeed.”
- Script 2: “I’ll take care of everything for you.”
- Common in overprotective or enmeshed families.
- Children learn that someone else will handle challenges, so they don’t develop problem-solving skills.
- This creates dependency and low agency: “I can’t do this without help.”
These scripts don’t just influence childhood—they echo into adulthood, shaping how we respond to obstacles.
Flow of Influence
Our actions don’t happen in isolation—they’re shaped by layers of belief formed long before adulthood. Here’s the progression:
Life Scripts → Beliefs → Behaviors → Outcomes
- Life Scripts: The messages we absorb early on, like “You’ll never be good enough” or “Someone else will handle it.”
- Beliefs: These scripts become internal truths—“I can’t succeed” or “I’m not capable.”
- Behaviors: Beliefs drive actions. If you think effort doesn’t matter, you procrastinate or give up easily.
- Outcomes: Behaviors create results—unfinished projects, missed opportunities, or, conversely, success and resilience.
Understanding this flow helps us see that changing outcomes starts with rewriting the script—not just forcing new behaviors.
Alex and Jordan Revisited
- Alex’s inner voice: “Why bother? This isn’t going to work.”
- Likely rooted in a script of inadequacy or learned helplessness.
- When faced with an obstacle, Alex defaults to frustration and withdrawal.
- Jordan’s inner voice: “What’s another way to solve this?”
- Likely rooted in a script of capability and autonomy.
- Jordan sees obstacles as problems to solve, not proof of failure.
Same project. Same supplies. Different scripts.
Why This Matters
When we understand that these patterns often come from early experiences—not laziness or lack of ambition—we can approach change with compassion. Trauma-informed thinking reminds us: People aren’t broken; they’re shaped by what they’ve lived through.
Rewriting the Script
The good news? Scripts aren’t permanent. Here are ways to start rewriting them:
- Notice the voice: When you hear “Why bother?” pause and ask, “Whose voice is this? Mine—or an old message?”
- Challenge the belief: Replace “I can’t” with “I can try.”
- Build small wins: Success—even tiny—rebuilds agency.
- Seek support: Therapy, coaching, or trusted relationships can help unpack old scripts.
- Practice autonomy: Make decisions, even small ones, and own the outcome.
Closing Thought
Alex and Jordan’s story isn’t about personality—it’s about programming. If your script says, “You can’t,” you can rewrite it. Agency grows with practice. Control shifts when you believe your actions matter. And that belief? It’s the foundation for becoming a person who does.
If you missed Part 1, start there to understand the foundation: why agency and locus of control matter—and how they shape whether we finish what we start. It sets the stage for everything we’ve explored here.
→ Read Part 1: From Helpless to Capable: Breaking Free from Old Messages
If this series resonates with you, please like, share, or comment to help others discover it. Your engagement helps spread these important insights—and might just inspire someone to rewrite their own script.