It’s easy to let someone’s expectations of us affect our self-esteem. If our self-esteem is determined by what others think of us, we are likely to be on a roller coaster ride of emotions. But as the caterpillar is transformed into a beautiful butterfly, so too are we.
What do we do when others are disappointed in us? We typically withdraw, lash out or quietly take it while our minds race with “how dare they” types of thoughts. But could there be another way of dealing with it?
Certainly, a self-examination to see if there is a valid reason for someone to be disappointed is a first step. When we have truly let someone down, withdrawing or lashing out at them only makes us appear immature. Unfortunately, it may be the automatic defense mechanism that activates when we feel “less than.” It seems more comfortable to give the other person a litany of reasons why we failed which really only serves to minimize our role or to avoid responsibility. Which in turns leaves the other person feeling unheard or criticized and robs us of the opportunity to regain their respect. The simplest response would be to admit failure. It is what it is. No one is perfect. Reminding ourselves that we are more than this one failure.
Sometimes people are disappointed with us due to their own unmet needs. It’s unlikely that they are going to be able to recognize that their disappointment has anything to do with them. Our reaction though has everything to do with us. Again a time of self-evaluation is in order. What we often find is the root cause of our poor response can be found in low self-esteem.
A right view of who we are comes from realizing that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 NIV). Meaning before we even had “it” together, Christ sought us out and wanted us to spend eternity with him. Beyond that (as if that isn’t enough) the Bible is rich in the historical account of those who have failed and, yet, God saw fit to use in spite of their failures.
Moses is a prime example. Exodus tells us of Moses failing his adoptive family and his people, the Israelites. He lashed out in anger and retreated to the wilderness in fear. I suspect that he was a confused man who was severely disappointed with himself. When God first called Moses, Moses hid his face (Ex. 3). In Exodus 4 Moses fears that the Israelites wouldn’t listen to him and he says that he is slow of speech. Even though Moses was raised in the palace, nothing in him exudes self-confidence. Going forward in Moses life, the Israelites frequently turned against him, expressing their disappointment with him (Numbers 14). In Numbers 20, Moses does fail and will be prevented from seeing the Promised Land because of it. Yet God used him, in spite of his failures and the failures of the Israelites. Moses didn’t always get it right. Yet as he grew in faith he learned to deal with those who criticized him and wanted him stoned. He frequently interceded for them, even to offering his life for theirs (Exodus 32, Numbers 14, 16, & 21). Moses was an ordinary person who was able to do extraordinary things in spite of other’s disappointment with him. Every day is an opportunity for you to be extraordinary.