I didn’t decide to start a blog because there aren’t already enough good blogs out there. There are. In fact, I almost decided not to start a blog because there are already so many good ones out there. I didn’t decide to become a blogger because I don’t have enough already going on in my life. I most certainly do. Again, I almost decided not to start this blog because I am too busy already.

No, I decided to become a blogger because as a woman I find it very difficult to balance life with “life.” I suspect there are others out there feeling many of the same stressors as they strive to balance their lives as well. As a Christian, wife, mother, grandmother (with 2 special needs grandchildren), sister, aunt, friend, Pastor’s Wife, therapist, etc. I sometimes feel pulled in so many directions that my balance gets off-center. Now some may choose to stop right there and say ‘as a Christian, God should always be the center that balances it all.’ In my reasoning mind, I would agree with these people 100%. In my practical lived out life because God is 100% in all areas of life and can’t be separated from it all there is tension between all the roles that I live. There are times that I must choose between attending the funeral of a close friend’s father with taking time off from work which would mean fewer vacation days to visit with my adult children/grandchildren who live a thousand miles away. Add to this is trying to balance spending time with adult children who have left the faith and announce that they are coming to visit the week before Vacation Bible School and, oh yeah, they’d like you to participate in a special needs walk 5 hours from your home on the last Sunday before VBS?     Recognizing that no matter what you decide to do someone is not going to understand and there is likely to be ‘drama’ surrounding any decision that you make.

Decision making is about caring-caring for yourself and others. I recognize that most decisions do not reach the crisis level.  However, the first rule of dealing with a crisis to care for yourself first and others second can be generalized to decision making. I know that putting yourself first goes against what many think is the ‘Christian way.’ But as a friend recently pointed out, ‘Jesus said to “Love your neighbors as yourself” implies that we have to first love ourselves. There is a difference between caring for yourself and being selfish.  I’m advocating for self-care not selfishness.

The CARE Model of Decision Making

1. Learn to be Content in the decisions you make. Second guessing is human nature and generally comes after the fact. You act out your decision and then think “What if I’d done . . .” or perhaps new information comes out after the fact.  Information that had you known before hand would have caused you to have made a different decision. Being content is understanding that you made the best decision you could at the time.
2. Accept that you can’t be all things to all people. At best, you can be something to someone. Let go of the idea that you are ever going to please everyone or in many cases even the majority. Learn to be okay that someone thinks differently and may even be upset with you. Choose not to dwell on the idea that Aunt Junifred is upset that you didn’t take time off from work to take her to get groceries.
3. Recognize that the very nature of having to make a decision means having to make choices. Not everyone will make the same choices that you make but you wouldn’t make the same choices that they make. And it’s okay. Don’t make your choices based on trying to live up to some idealized standard.
4. Experiences Your experiences and accomplishments are first and foremost part of your journey. As you travel your journey, others will benefit from your experiences but they will also have experiences of their own that lead them on their own journey; a journey separate from yours. As Christians, I wonder if we don’t sometimes err in love by making decisions somewhat based on someone else’s response and thereby creating a hindrance to their growth. Just because someone makes changes in their life due to a decision you made doesn’t mean  your decision was bad, no matter how upset they become. Don’t let the joy of what you’ve experienced be diminished by feeling guilty due to inability to meet unrealistic standards.

Now I know it’s one thing to agree with these principles and quite another to live them out. Living them out means retraining your mind (Romans 12:2) and takes time and practice. Be gentle with yourself as you develop new principles for decision making.

Next blog:  The best choices are made when you recognize life experiences that have brought you to this place and values you want to build your life around. (more about this in the next blog)